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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Something To Shout About

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(I’m walking into a local grocery store like any other day, when suddenly I hear a guy behind me shout something very loudly and incoherently for no discernible reason. Obviously, this scares the living daylights out of me. I turn around and see two men and a woman walking behind me. The woman, whom I assume to be the older gentleman’s wife, has clearly seen me jump out of my skin and smacks her arm across his chest in a scolding manner. I say nothing and go about my business. Later, as I’m checking out:)

Cashier: “I saw what happened when you came in. You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. A little unnerved, though.”

Cashier: “The guy who yelled at you was getting an earful from his wife when they came in.”

Me: “Well, I’d imagine so…”

Another Cashier: “No, she was PISSED! She said something along the lines of, ‘What the H*** is wrong with you?!’ and ‘You might be a walking heart attack waiting to happen but that doesn’t mean you can give someone else one!’”

(I and the other cashier started laughing. Later I found a note on my windshield saying, “Sorry my idiot husband scared you.”)

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Deathly Afraid Of This

| UK | Bizarre, Popular, Religion

(I work in a mortuary (or ‘morgue’ as they’re called in the US). One of the deceased gentlemen in our care is being visited by his daughter in our chapel of rest. She rings the bell to summon me.)

Woman: “I need to give you something to keep with him”

(This is a fairly normal request. People often like to leave things like photographs and cards with their loved-ones.)

Me: “Of course; I’ll make sure it stays with him.”

Woman: *handing me a sandwich in a bag and a bottle of water* “This is for when he wakes up; I expect he’ll be hungry and thirsty.”

Me: *trying to keep my facial expression neutral* “Uh, for, when… when he wakes up?”

Woman: “Yes, my church group has been praying for him and the church leader says he should wake up any time now. He’s seen it happen lots of times before, firsthand.”

Me: “Uh. Well, okay… I will certainly make sure these stay with him.”

Woman: “And you’ll call me as soon as he wakes up?”

Me: “I promise that if he wakes up, I’ll call you and let you know straight away.”

Woman: *completely seriously and straight-faced* “Thank you. I hope he doesn’t take too long about it.”

(The following day she called in the morning to check whether he was awake. A coworker and I checked, half-afraid of what we might find, but alas he was still deceased and the sandwich and water were untouched. Later that day the woman arrived with her entire church group and introduced me to the leader who explained to me once again, completely straight-faced, that he had successfully managed to resurrect several people before now so was confident he’d be able to in this instance. They stayed a while, praying and singing, then eventually left.  The deceased never woke up, and he and his sandwich eventually left for the funeral home.)

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That’s Some Very Explicit Baggage

| Cape Town, South Africa | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I work as a cashier at a well-known chain of pharmacies where “You Pay Less.” A woman approaches my till and sets her items down to be scanned. I start reciting the script as we are trained. Note that it is law to charge for the government-regulated plastic bags.)

Me: “Good day and welcome to [Store]. Do you have a [Loyalty Card?]”

Customer: *flings the card at me wordlessly*

Me: “Thank you.” *scans items* “Your total is [total]. Would you like a plastic bag?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “A medium bag will be [a few cents].”

Customer: “What?! This is a scam! They are bending us over and ramming us deep!”

Me: “…”

Customer: *loudly* “I’m telling you, it’s not much but it adds up. I must have spent HUNDREDS on bags in my lifetime! Hundreds to line the pockets of some GREEDY FAT CAT WHO JUST WANTS TO BEND ME OVER AND RAM ME HARD!”

Me: “So… would you like a bag?”

Customer: “I don’t want to be someone’s little b****! I’m not going to let them bend ME over!” *grabs her purchases and hurries from the store, muttering to herself about being ‘bent over and rammed’*

(The other customers in the line all cracked up.)

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Be Glad You’re Not Invited

| Houston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(Two guys, appearing to be in their early-to-mid 20s, walk up to the register. They place a box of fresh-breath strips, body hair removal cream, and a box of condoms on the counter.)

Customer: “WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY!”

Me: “I really wasn’t going to ask.”

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The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving

| Lafayette, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Popular

(Most purchases at my store are usually between $100 and $300. The higher purchases are usually for firearms and ammunition. Customers can place any amount they want on our gift cards, but those amounts usually vary between $20 and $100. One day, a customer comes up to my register with a cart full of fishing gear, including two $300 coolers. I ring him up.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount over $1500].”

(He smiles and hands me a gift card. He has a whole stack of them in his hands. I hold out my hand for the rest, but he holds onto the stack. I scan the first card, which takes $250 off his purchase.)

Me: “Okay, you owe [amount over $1250].”

(He smiles and hands me a second card.)

Me: Okay, now you owe [amount over $1000].

(He smiles and hands another card.)

Me: “[Amount over $750].”

(I am gathering a stack of used gift cards on top of my register at this point, and we’re only halfway through the stack still in his hands. He hands me the next card.)

Me: “[Amount over $500].”

(He hands me another card.)

Me: “[Amount over $250].”

(He hands me his second-to-last card.)

Me: “[Amount around $50.]”

(He hands me his last card. By this point, we’re both laughing.)

Me: “And you have [amount around 200] left on this card.” *I hand him his last gift card and a receipt.* “Have a good one!”

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