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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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A Killer Pickup Line

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I am a 24-year-old female. I am cleaning some shelves when a customer comes up. It is important that the customer is female.)

Customer: “You’re pretty. You look like someone in my book.”

(I was about to thank her when I saw it was a book on serial killers. She walked out without a word.)

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Me No Speak Americano

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work graveyards at a very busy location of a popular fast food restaurant in Canada. Our store is located quite close to a Korean shopping area, so we get a lot of Asian customers. Around two am an older, middle-aged Asian woman enters the lobby and comes up to me.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “No English!” *gestures that she only knows some English*

Me: “All right, ma’am.”

Customer:“Ice cream!”

Me: “Which one would you like? We have—”

Customer: *interrupts* “Maple!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have maple ice cream.” *gestures that we don’t have any”

Customer: “Ice cream! Maple!”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not have maple ice cream. We do have a maple latte and a maple pie.”

Customer: *gestures me to take the next order*

Me: *takes the order and turns back to the woman*

Customer: “Ice cream!”

(Due to her lack of English understanding, I wonder if she wants our current promotional ice cream, which doesn’t contain maple. So I gesture to the picture on the menu.)

Me: “Is this maybe what you wanted?”

Customer: “No, No! Oreo!”

Me: “All right, ma’am.” *turns around and grabs our two cup sizes* “Which size?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Ma’am, which size?”

Customer: *gestures to larger size* “Two!”

Me: “Is that everything?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: “All right, your total comes to $[total].”

(Customer pulls out a card, and I press the corresponding button on my POS. She inserts her card then continues to look at the menu.)

Customer: *points behind me to our muffin display* “Muffin!”

Me: *walks over to display and points at the muffin I assume she was pointing at* “This one?”

Customer: “Blue! Blue!”

Me: “A blueberry muffin? Anything else?”

Customer: “Two!”

(Because she hadn’t finished payment, I cancel it and enter in the two muffins, while giving her the new total. By the time I am done, she has returned her card back into her wallet.)

Me: “Ma’am, you still need to pay. Please put your card in here.” *gestures to card reader*

Customer: *takes her card back out and enters it into card reader, presses a few buttons, then continues to look at the menu*

Customer: “Americano!”

Me: *sighs* “All right, ma’am.” *cancels payment again since she hadn’t finished* “What size?”

Customer: “Small!”

Me: *punches it into the system* “Your new total is $[total].”

(Her card is still in the reader, so I take it out, press the button on my POS, and put it back in. She doesn’t add anything else, so I go and start on the other customers order, and hand it out. I return to the POS and the payment hadn’t gone through.)

Me: “It didn’t go through; would you like to try again?”

Customer: *takes her card out and puts it back in*

(I restart the payment, walking her through the buttons to press until it gets to the pin screen. She enters her pin and it goes through. By this time her ice cream is done by my coworkers, so I hand it out to her, and tell her the rest is coming up.)

Customer: “I go sit!” *starts walking away*

Me: “Ma’am! Please stay here; your order is almost done!”

Customer: *walks back to counter* “Sorry! Drunk!”

Me: *thinking it all makes sense now*

(I grab her muffins and hand it to her.)

Me: “Here are the muffins; it’ll be just a minute for the Americano. Please wait here, ma’am.”

Customer: “I sit?”

Me: “No, ma’am, please wait here.”

(I go and get her Americano, and hand it to her.)

Me: “Here you are!”

(Looking at her two ice cream and Americano, I decide to get her a drink tray so she doesn’t drop anything. I put them in the tray and hand it to her.)

Me: “There you are. Now, be careful; the Americano is hot!”

Customer: *starts walking away* “Thank you!”

Me: *turning towards my manager* “That took WAY too long!”

(Thankfully the night went smoothly after that.)

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Your Reasoning Is Horrible

| VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre

(I’m the customer in this story and I like to joke around. This happens when an employee tells me to have a good day.)

Me: “Have a good day? You’re not the boss of me.”

Employee: “Well, then, have a horrible day.”

Me: *pretends to think about it before answering cheerfully* “Okay!”

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She’s Saigon Crazy

| Rio Grande, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Geography, History

(After assisting an elder woman pick out a watch from our display case, I proceed to take her to my register to ring up the rest of her order. I scan the watch first then go to put it in a bag when she stops me.)

Customer: “Oh, could I put that in my purse instead?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands her the watch*

Customer: *takes a closer look at the box, then frowns* “Oh. Oh this is made in China. I can’t buy this.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just take it off then.”

(I remove the watch from the transaction and continue scanning her items.)

Customer: *continuing* “I only buy American you see. Or if I can’t, I’ll get it for lots of money off.”

(The last item she has is a medium sized ceramic pot. As I scan it I look inside it.)

Me: “It’s made in Vietnam, ma’am.”

Customer: *thinks this over, and then smiles* “Oh, that’s okay, then. My husband shot lots of people over there. Besides, I’m only going to use it for flowers anyway.”

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Hold Your Breath For Crazy Cat Lady

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am working as an emergency room veterinarian and stop at a 24-hour grocery store near my house on my way home after work, still wearing my scrubs, at about 3 am.)

Me: *gets in the checkout line behind a woman, the only other customer*

Woman: *turns to me* “Are you a nurse? My cousin’s a nurse!”

Me: “What? Oh, no, I’m actually a veterinarian.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s so wonderful! That means you get to work with cats! That must be the best job in the world, because you get to be with cats all day. I bet you love your job!”

Me: *crazy cat lady alarm bells going off* “It can be pretty rewarding, yeah.”

Woman: “Cats are just the best. Well, of course YOU know that. You work with them! Aren’t they just the greatest? They’re just so amazing, the way they breathe!”

Me: “Um… what?”

Woman: “You know, the way they breathe! They breathe for us! They just breathe it in, breathe in all of our negative energy, everything, just breathe it all in and turn it to light! They’re the only animals that breathe for us! You must know that though. I’m sure they teach you that! They must tell you all about how they breathe!”

Me: “Uh… sure?” *looks at the cashier who by this point is trying to get the woman’s attention* “I think the cashier needs you to pay now.”

(The woman pays and leaves, continuing to babble on about cats to me and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Find everything you need?”

Me: “Depends. Do you stock crazy cat lady repellent?”

Cashier: *laughs* “I’ve actually seen crazier while working nights.”

Me: “Sadly, so have I…”

 

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