Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

You’re His ‘Number One’ Guy

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Non-Dialogue

I’m happy to help customers, and thrilled when one remembers my name and wants my assistance each time they visit the store, but there needs to be a line drawn somewhere! The other day, an older gentleman comes in and asks for help finding something in our sales flyer. I show him where it was, he thanks me, and he is on his way.

Later he asks me to show him where something else is. I do, he thanks me, and walks away again. This happens two or three more times. The whole time there are four or five other team members on the floor with nothing in specific to do, yet he is convinced I am his guy. At one point I go in the back room, clearly marked EMPLOYEES ONLY, and he pushes his cart right through and wants me to look something up for him.

A few minutes after that I am helping two customers at once when he comes up and interrupts them to say he wants me to take him to another part of the store and answer some questions. After a while I don’t hear from him and assume he has checked out and left. I have to go to the bathroom.

While I am standing at the urinal I hear the door bang open. I look in the mirror and there he is, propping the bathroom door open so everyone who walks past, in our clothing department, can see me standing there with a look of shock on my face as I pee. He walks over right next to me.

“Are you almost done? I’ve got some questions over in the car batteries!”

| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

Raising Requests

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(Next to the registers is our balloon station, where we fill balloons with helium, tie them off, etc. We like to do this with the customer next to us, and many customers love to help out any way possible; holding balloons in place while we tie, helping cut the strings, etc. Today I am helping a customer with a balloon bouquet.)

Me: “Okay, is that big enough?”

Customer: “That’s perfect!”

Me: “Great, now let me tie it off…” *I do so* “And, oh shoot, I forgot to get the string ready. Will you hold the balloon for me while I measure out the string? Just say ‘when.'”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I hand the balloon to the customer, who takes it between their hands. Once I pull out the string they want, the customer releases the balloon and we both silently watch it float fifteen feet to the ceiling.)

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Customer: “I… really don’t know.”

Not An Elegant Solution

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre

(I am working on restocking a display near the front of an art supply store. Of course, because of my high visibility, any customer with a question comes directly to me. This isn’t normally a problem, but we have a corporate visitor coming by in an hour, and my manager has asked me to complete the restock in less than thirty minutes, which would be pushing it even if we were closed. Because of this, I try to quickly direct customers in the direction of their needed item, or get a coworker to escort them. One lady, however, is not having that.)

Customer: “Hey, I need some stencils.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of stencils? What are you using them for?”

Customer: “It’s for a sign at a wedding.”

Me: “Okay, so something elegant?” *Customer nods* “Then I would look at aisle 42. Our prettiest stencils are there. Lots of florals, curly designs, and prettier font types. We have stencils in several places in the store, but that aisle has our prettiest selection.”

Customer: *literally baring her teeth and growling* “NO, YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE ME THERE RIGHT NOW.”

(I escort her to the aisle and show her the products. She becomes very happy and enthusiastic. I ask her if she needs anything else and go grab the items for her while she decides on stencils.)

Me: “Okay, here are your other items. Have you decided on some stencils?”

Customer: “I sure have! Thanks so much!”

Me: “Not a problem. Like I said, we do have stencils in other places, but these are our best for an elegant and classy look. Do you need to see the others?”

Customer: “No, no, these are great; thank you!”

(I return to my restocking duties and the customer heads to the check out. Ten minutes later…)

Same Customer: *growling again* “HEY, YOU INCOMPETENT [string of insults]. YOU DIDN’T SHOW ME THIS STENCIL!” *waives a package in front of my face*

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I thought you had made your decision.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME. I’M REPORTING YOU TO CORPORATE.” *throws the package at me and storms out of the store*

(I got reported to corporate for not showing a customer looking for wedding decor a cartoon frog stencil from our kids’ craft section that she didn’t end up buying anyway. I guess I need to relearn the definition of “elegant.”)

There Is No Sub-stitute

| ME, USA | Bizarre

(I work in a popular make-your-own-sandwich shop, with lots of combinations, so it’s easy to understand why people would need a bit of extra time.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! What can I get you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to try one of those pizza things.”

Me: “Sure! What kind?”

Customer: “Pepperoni.”

(I start making the pizza — they’re always made to order, as they take only 90 seconds. I had put only the sauce on, no toppings or cheese or anything, when…)

Customer: “That looks gross. I don’t want that any more.”

Me: “Okay, then.” *I put it off to the side* “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, one of the foot-long Philly cheesesteaks.”

Me: “Okay, on Italian bread?”

Customer: “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

(The customer then proceeds to turn around, walk out of the store, and drive away. I’m standing there holding the steak, just watching and trying to figure out what just happened. I decide to move on, as it is lunch time and we have a line.)

Next Customer: “My turn?”

Me: “Apparently so!”

(The customer never came back.)

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