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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Conversational Weirdness Is Spiraling Upward

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(A customer is being served by a coworker at the deli at the grocery store where I work. My customer notices their transaction.)

Customer: “What was that ham that you sliced the other customer?”

Me: “That was the spiral ham.”

Customer: “Oooh, I usually associate the word “spiral” with a staircase… Can you imagine if you were sliding down a staircase banister and suddenly it turned into a straight razor?”

Me & Coworker: *exchange shocked looks*

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The Customer Is Fruit Loops

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

Me: “Hi, would you like to try a free sample of Lucky Charms?”

Customer: “I don’t believe in luck! Luck is of the devil, you know! Luck is of the devil!”

Me: “…I also have Cocoa Puffs?”

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Should Be On Decaf

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a deli, and for the past month a woman has been coming in and ordering a coffee every day. She is unfailingly polite and friendly, and I begin to look forward to her arrival. One day, she comes in:)

Woman: “Hi, [My Name]. My usual, please?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, [Woman], but the coffee machine is broken. We’re working on fixing it, and it should be fixed by—”

(The woman goes deathly pale, her eyes go as wide as saucers, and she screams at the top of her lungs.)

Woman: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

Me: “[Woman], are you al—”

(She continued screaming like a banshee and dashed out of the deli, screeching and flailing all the while. I never saw her again.)

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(Air) Conditioned To Be Cheap

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Money, Popular

(Note that I usually work in the electronics department of my store. However, no one else is free to help a customer calling for hardware, so I take the call.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need an air conditioner for a window about [size]. Can you tell me what you have and how much they cost?”

Me: “Sure, let me put you on hold for a bit.”

(I check the air conditioners and find that they all require about the same size window, easily within the customer’s requirements.)

Me: “Actually, just about all of our air conditioners will fit. They range from about $100 to $300…”

Caller: “What? He wants $300 to fix this one?”

Me: “No, we’ve got some cheaper than that, as low as $100.”

Caller: “What brand are they?”

Me: “Most of them are [Brand], but a few are [Other Brand].”

Caller: “Hmm, never heard of [Brand] before. Are they any good?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t usually work in this area, so I don’t know how good they are. All I can really tell you is how much power the box says it has.”

Caller: “Oh, all right. I need one that’s at least twelve hundred. H6ow much do they have?”

(I go and check again, and find out that even the cheapest one is 5,000 BTU (British Thermal Unit).)

Me: “Actually, even our cheapest one is 5,000 BTU…”

Caller: “No, I don’t want your cheap one. I want a good one. At least twelve hundred.”

Me: “Er, I just said it’s 5,000, more than four times as much as you’re asking for…”

Caller: “No, I need something at least twelve hundred!”

Me: “Wait… do you mean twelve hundred, or twelve thousand?”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, maybe that’s what’s written down here. Twelve thousand.”

(I go and double-check, and find out our most expensive unit is 12,000 BTU.)

Me: “Okay, our most expensive one is $300, a [Brand] with 12,000 BTU.”

Caller: “Oh, $300? That’s a steal! And it’s a [Brand]? Oh, I know those are good. Thanks, I’ll be in later to pick it up.”

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False Colors

| Malta | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(We sell a lot of flip flops and they’re on stands helpfully organised by style and size. Most people sort themselves out but some require a little help.)

Customer: *points at shoes* “You have this in 41?”

Me: “Yes, it should be there.”

(I get up to check when she doesn’t move to take them, thinking they may have run out. However, they’re where they should be, so I hand it to her and she tries them on. They’re slightly small.)

Customer: “Give me another.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have that one in a larger size.”

Customer: “No, not larger, another!” *she points towards identical ones in different colours*

Me: “Those are the same brand; they’ll fit the same…”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! Same brand!”

(I give up and give her a different colour that fits her identically.)

Customer: “Yes, perfect. I’ll take them.”

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