Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

You Answer Was Berry Good

| WI, USA | Bizarre

(It is not uncommon for boyfriends and husbands to be dragged into our shop by their significant others. The customer is shopping with his girlfriend and asks me what he can get with the coupon she just handed him.)

Me: “You can get a lotion, shower gel, or body cream anywhere on this wall. It includes the men’s line as well.”

Male Customer: “But what if I want to smell like strawberries?”

Me: “Well, [Core Fragrance] has strawberries in it and so does [Seasonal Fragrance] in our new summer line.”

Male Customer: “You answered that way better than I thought you would.”

Luciliacaca

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Funny Names

(A homeowner has stopped me, the supervisor, to ask about one of my coworkers, who I’ll call Lucille-Anne.)

Homeowner: *trumping* “I keep telling Jessica to put the materials in the other room, but she’s not listening. Can you talk to her?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Who’s Jessica?”

Homeowner: “That woman there.” *pointing at my coworker*

Me: “Her name is not Jessica, and I’ll go tell her for you now.”

Homeowner: “How am I supposed to know her name is not Jessica? I keep calling ‘Jessica’ and she won’t answer me! What’s her name?”

Me: “L.A. or Lucy.”

Homeowner: “Is that the same name?”

Me: “No, but she answers to either. Her name is actually Lucille-Anne but she won’t answer to that. Just call her L.A. or Lucy.”

Homeowner: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll go tell her myself.” *wanders off calling* “Lucica! Lucica!”

Me: *calling after her* “That’s still not her name!”

Your Hopes Go Up In Smoke

| KY, USA | Bizarre

(A man walks into the pub where I am hostessing.)

Customer: “Are you guys non-smoking?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Every day?”

Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 3

| USA | Bizarre, Time

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “FINALLY! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to pick up the d*** phone?

Me: “Let me see… 36 seconds, sir.”

Caller: “Exactly! I can’t believe… Wait, what?”

Me: “You were on hold for exactly 36 seconds before I got to you.”

Caller: “…really? You can tell that?”

Me: “As soon as your call enters the queue it generates a note of the time you called in. Yours was logged at [time] which was just about 36… well, 46 seconds ago, now.”

Caller: “Well… it felt longer than that. D*** it now what am I supposed to do? This… this has never happened before!”

Me: “Did you have a tech related issue to report?”

Caller: “Uh, I think so… I can’t remember now! I… you’ve thrown my whole thought process off!”

(He hangs up. A little while later I pick up another call, and notice it’s the exact same number.)

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “Thank God! Do you know how long I’ve been on hold? Waiting for you to get off your damn a** and help me?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “According to the time stamp you had a wait of 26 seconds this time before I got to you. That’s a pretty good improvement over your previous call.”

Caller: “For the love of God! Look, your stupid intro recording says I might experience higher than average wait times! What am I supposed to do if you then immediately answer the phone?”

Me: “Be glad you didn’t have to wait for very long and enjoy getting your issue resolved promptly?”

(He grumbled all the way through the troubleshooting process, complaining about how we shouldn’t be so quick to answer calls or be able to track the amount of time a customer has been on hold.)

Related:
Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 2
Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About

You’re His ‘Number One’ Guy

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Non-Dialogue

I’m happy to help customers, and thrilled when one remembers my name and wants my assistance each time they visit the store, but there needs to be a line drawn somewhere! The other day, an older gentleman comes in and asks for help finding something in our sales flyer. I show him where it was, he thanks me, and he is on his way.

Later he asks me to show him where something else is. I do, he thanks me, and walks away again. This happens two or three more times. The whole time there are four or five other team members on the floor with nothing in specific to do, yet he is convinced I am his guy. At one point I go in the back room, clearly marked EMPLOYEES ONLY, and he pushes his cart right through and wants me to look something up for him.

A few minutes after that I am helping two customers at once when he comes up and interrupts them to say he wants me to take him to another part of the store and answer some questions. After a while I don’t hear from him and assume he has checked out and left. I have to go to the bathroom.

While I am standing at the urinal I hear the door bang open. I look in the mirror and there he is, propping the bathroom door open so everyone who walks past, in our clothing department, can see me standing there with a look of shock on my face as I pee. He walks over right next to me.

“Are you almost done? I’ve got some questions over in the car batteries!”

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