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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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You’ll Know Her When You See Her

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre

(We have one lady who is a regular and comes in every morning. I am fairly new to this store, but I’ve seen her in enough to know what she usually gets. She’s a little quirky and surly but has never shown signs of anything beyond normal old-lady crankiness.)

Me: “Oh, hello, Mrs. [Name]! Would you like your usual?”

(She fixes me with a look both terrified and furious.)

Customer: *shouting* “LADY, I have NEVER seen YOU before in my entire life! You stay AWAY from me!”

(She then runs from the store. My manager walks over.)

Manager: “Oh, yeah… so, that one? She doesn’t like knowing that we know.”

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Come To A Fork In The Road

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(I work the metal detector at the local ER. It’s about 1 a.m. and it’s been pretty slow with only one woman with a cough. Suddenly a woman, a little boy, and a girl with a fork IN HER ARM rush in. The fork is jammed at a weird angle with only about one prong visible.)

Girl: *in tears* “I don’t think I’m gonna do very well against that metal detector.”

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Now Recruiting Eight Year Olds

USA | Bizarre, Math & Science

Customer: “Can you tell me what used to be in this building?”

Me: “It was a museum.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Yeah, that was almost six years ago.”

Customer: *gesturing toward the main seating area* “Was there a big tractor in this area?”

Me: “I don’t know. I wasn’t around then.”

Customer: “Yeah, you were probably a baby!” *walks away*

Me: “…”

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Getting A Good Customer Is A Lottery

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Popular

(It’s Sunday morning and I’m working the front desk of a grocery store that has a lottery machine. A woman approaches the desk; she has a way over-the-top, annoyingly positive attitude.)

Woman: *through a beaming smile* “I’d like the winning numbers to the lottery drawing, please. I heard there was a winner and I want to see if I won!”

(I look at her ‘ticket’ and see it isn’t a lottery ticket. It is a printout of winning numbers from previous drawings. They print these up on the same paper as the regular tickets.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you already have the winning numbers there…”

Woman: “I know! I bought this from [Gas Station down the street] and I feel lucky!”

Me: “No, no… You don’t understand. You already have a printout of winning numbers.”

Woman: “I know!”

(Then it hits me. She went into the gas station and, as a joke, said she wants ‘the winning lottery numbers’; the clerk behind the counter took her literally, and gave her a printout of the winning numbers. She has no clue she doesn’t have a valid lottery ticket.)

Me: “Here, let me show you what I mean.”

(I print out a copy of the most recent previous drawings. Needless to say, the two ‘tickets’ are identical.)

Me: “This is a printout of the winning numbers…”

(As I’m explaining this, she compares her ‘ticket’ with the one I just gave her. Then her eyes get wide.)

Woman: “I WON!! I WON! Look, look, all the numbers match. I can’t believe I won! I WON! I WON!”

Me: “Ma’am? Your ‘ticket’ isn’t a ticket.”

Woman: “WHAT?! Yes, it is! I bought this at the gas station…”

(I print up a valid ticket and show it to her.)

Me: “Valid tickets have the barcode on the bottom of them and the date they are good for.”

Woman: “But I paid for this!”

Me: “Then you’d better go back there and get your money back.”

(She turns to leave but then turns back.)

Woman: “But all my numbers match.”

(The kicker to this story was I bought the ticket I printed up to use as an example and it won a lower tiered prize. I didn’t mind pocketing $80.00 the next weekend!)

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At Least He Doesn’t Discriminate

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m a 22 year old male and I work as a bagger, or “service clerk,” at a chain grocery store. One night, at roughly four in the morning, a man comes up to the line. He has with him a baseball bat, a cucumber, some cough spray that numbs the back of the throat, preparation H wipes, and a box of condoms.)

Customer: *leans over the belt and waggles his eyebrows at the female cashier* “So, what are you doing after work?”

Cashier: *immediately goes on the defensive* “Going home and spending some time with my boyfriend.”

Customer: *looks defeated, then looks over at me* “What about you?”

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