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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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You Can’t Teach An Up-Dog New Tricks

| Smokey Mountains, TN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I work in a toll booth at an amusement park collecting money for parking. My coworker sharing the booth with me has a customer and the transaction proceeds as normal until the end. I catch onto what the customer is doing and am snickering throughout the conversation.)

Customer: “Can I take a bag of up-dog into the park?”

Coworker: “Hotdogs?”

Customer: “No, up-dog.”

Coworker: “What’s that?”

Customer: “What’s what?”

Coworker: “Up-dog?”

Customer: “Yeah, up-dog.”

Coworker: “What is that?”

Customer: “It’s up-dog. ”

Coworker: “Yeah but what is it?”

Customer: “What’s what?”

Coworker: “Up-dog.”

(This repeats a few times.)

Coworker: “Huh?”

Customer: “You’re suppose to ask me what it is.”

Coworker: “Okay… What is it?”

Customer: You’re supposed to say ‘What’s up-dog.’”

(At this point I started laughing and my coworker awkwardly laughed. Defeated, the customer drove off. I then explained to her what it was he was trying to do. We shared a laugh over the poor guy’s failed attempt at ‘up-dog.’)

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Napkin To The Future

| USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I am ringing up a customer and they are handing me their cash, when a college girl walks up next to them to grab a napkin from the empty napkin holder near the register.)

College Girl: *leans over to napkin holder* “Napkin.”

Me: *blank stare at girl*

College Girl: *as she’s leaned over speaking into the empty napkin container* “Napkin.”

(The customer, handing me their cash, blankly stares at the college girl.)

Me: *grabs another napkin container and gives her a napkin*

College Girl: “Oh, I thought it was voice recognition.”

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Not A Glass-Act

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s around 11 pm when a middle-aged man and his mother come in and ask if we do take out. He has two beers while they wait. I come to the table with the takeout order.)

Customer: “Can I have this?” *holding up the 20 oz pilsner glass he was drinking from*

Me: “Uh… no, I don’t think so. Let me see if—”

Customer’s Mother: “Stop it. We have glasses at home.”

Customer: “But I want this one.”

(I’m about to walk away when the customer threw the glass, still with about an inch of beer in it, into his takeout bag. He then grabbed his mom and booked it out the door.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 59

| Ashland, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “So I want to do $40 cash, and the rest on my debit card.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(I put the cash through, same as any other order, and then…)

Me: “Okay, go ahead and slide your card now.”

Customer: “But I left it at home.”

Me: *stunned* “You left it at home?”

Customer: “Yeah… Wait, you mean I need to bring the card with me to use it?”

Me: *speechless*

(Thankfully, a manager nearby overheard the exchange and jumped in…)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, you need to bring your card. We can’t use a debit card that you don’t have.”

Customer: “But I have a debit card! Are you telling me I can’t use my card? Why can’t I use it?!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to come back with your card.”

Customer: “But I have a card!”

(This went on for a good minute or so. The manager ultimately wound up voiding out the second half of the order, telling the customer to come back *with her card* to pay for it. Afterward:)

Customer: “Make sure you don’t put that stuff away! I’ll be back! *leaves*

Next Customer: *shakes her head*

Me: *still speechless*

Bagger: “So… how much you want to bet she doesn’t come back?”

(She didn’t come back. That second half of the order? Mostly frozen food.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 58
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 57
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 56

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Already Covered In Enough Trash

| Riverbank, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(The guys responsible for herding and organizing the carts also empty the garbage cans near the entrance, usually by tying off the bags, putting them in a cart, and wheeling them through the store to the back. It’s not usually a problem, but on this day the bag broke and leaked stinky trash water all over the floor. I was on my hands and knees wiping up the spill when our store operator came over to me to say there was an insistent customer in my department. The lingerie department.)

Me: *wearing rubber gloves obviously soiled with trash remnants* “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some lingerie for my wife and I want you to help me pick some out.”

Me: “Tell me more about what you’re looking for. A matched set, a nightgown, lace, satin?”

Customer: “Why don’t you tell me what kind of underwear you like?”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “She’s about your size, if you wanted to look real sexy what would you wear?” *remember: I’m wearing trash-covered rubber gloves*

Me: “Sir, I can point you to different items in the department or help you get another size or color, but I can’t choose an item for you.”

Customer: “C’mon… I just want you to help me find something that would look good on a woman like you!”

Me: “Sir, I’m covered in trash juice and we have a main aisle blocked off waiting for me to clean it. If you need help finding something, you can talk to [Coworker] in the jewelry department.”

(I walked away while he contemplated the 6’2″, 300 lb worker at the jewelry counter. The last I saw of him he was scurrying away from my coworker muttering something about not needing any help.)

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