Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Her Opinion Is Chaste

| Antwerp, Belgium | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(A regular couple of ours has a deal with my boss: modeling some of the bondage gear, as well as testing items we’re not too familiar with, and in return they get an employee’s discount. The woman walks in and softly requests to see my boss. Once he’s out of the backroom, she bends over and whispers:)

Customer: “Hey, that chastity belt you wanted us to test? It’s comfortable, but the key broke.”

Boss: “All right. I’ll take it back, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’m still wearing it.”

(We got her out in no time at all, and pulled them off of the shelves because the boss didn’t trust the keys anymore.)

Bin There, Done That

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Language & Words

(One of many things we do is help with the management of refuse and recycling facilities for local residents. The county is a popular retirement destination and most of our callers are elderly. Unfortunately this means we get a high volume of calls where we just can’t help people because no matter how hard we try, we cannot coax their requests out of them:)

Me: “Bore da, good morning, [Local Government].”

Elderly Caller: “BINS!”

Me: “You’ve got a query about your refuse or recycling?”

Elderly Caller: “BINS!”

Me: “Have you missed a collection? Would you like me to send some staff over to come and help empty your bins?”

Elderly Caller: “BINS!”

Me: “Was it that you needed a replacement bin? Did one of your bins get broken?”

Elderly Caller: “NUHHH. BINS. MY BINS!”

Me: “I’d like to know how I can help you with your bins, sir. Do you know your address? Or is there somebody in the room who can help you with your call? I really want to help you if I can.”

Elderly Caller: “BIIIIIINNNSSSSS! BINS! MY BINS! BIII-I-I-I-I-NNNNSSSSS!”

(I heard the phone clatter to the table or floor and the line went dead shortly thereafter. I have set up regular direct debits to dementia charities since I started working here. We get several calls like that every day and I always wish I could do more! I especially wish we had 999-style call location technology so we could trace calls and call people back who’ve hung up on us by mistake. Maybe one day…)

This Customer Is Causing A Real Stink

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work on an online jewelry shop, taking calls for customers who are either confused with products or their prices, our delivery services, etc.)

Me: “[Jewelry Store], this is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Hello! Do you sell deodorant?”

Me: *trying to hold in my laughter* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You know, deodorant. The stuff you put on your armpits?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know what deodorant is, but this is a jewelry store… We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. I’m sorry for your inconvenience.”

Customer: “But jewelry is a beauty product…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand that. I don’t know what you’re getting at, though.”

Customer: “And deodorant is a hygiene product, to help with your beauty.”

Me: *trying not to die laughing* “Ma’am, have you seen our website?”

Customer: “Yes. What do you mean?”

Me: *getting slightly more aggressive* “Did you see deodorant ANYWHERE on it?”

Customer: “No… I just thought you were out of stock.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I am 100% sure you can find deodorant at your local convenience store or grocery store without waiting for shipping.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure if I put my manager on the phone, he’ll say the same thing.”

(I put my manager on the phone.)

Customer: “Hello? Is this the manager?”

Manager: “Yes? I heard you were having some trouble on our website.”

Customer: “Yes, the little lady you have working here isn’t letting me buy deodorant from your website.”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is a jewelry store. We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. But, I’m pretty sure you can buy some deodorant from a store near you with no delivery waiting or cost.”

(My mind is blown because that is almost exactly what I said to this lady. The call finishes and the customer returns to me.)

Customer: “Well, I still don’t believe you.”

Should Have Been Monitoring The Situation More Closely

| Germany | Bizarre, Technology

(We’re a small IT service provider. While we have no hardware in store, we write down customer orders and place an order once enough has accumulated.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I need a new monitor.”

Me: “No problem. Any specific requests?”

Customer: “I need it to replace my secondary monitor. That’s still a narrow one.”

Me: *knowing the customer actually has a 16:9 and a 4:3 monitor at his computer, he once said he’ll use the latter until it breaks* “All right. So the old one is finally broken?”

Customer: “No, it works fine. But I need a wider one. The narrow one became too small and no longer shows all the symbols on my desktop. Or… can I plug in a third monitor? That would give me even more room.”

I’ll Need Some ID, And A Song…

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Funny Names, Money

(I work in retail in a small strip of stores in a relatively well-off rural area. Due to a policy we should all follow (though few actually do) I ask everyone paying with a credit card for ID. A few stores down from us, there’s a salon named after its owner. For the sake of this story, let’s say her name is Emma.)

Customer: *hands me credit card*

Me: “All right, can I see some ID from you, super quickly?”

Customer: “Oh, okay, but I’m Emma. You know, [Emma’s Salon]?” *points at her apron with the salon name*

Me: “Ah, sorry, I’m new… but I should still see your ID.”

Customer: “But I’m Emma!” *in a sing-song voice* “EM-ma! Emmaemmaemma Emmaaaaa! Em-MA! Emma EM-ma Emmmmmmmma! Eeeeeeemmaaaaaa! EM-MAAAAA! Em-MA, Em-MA, Em-MAAA!”

(This went on for at least a full minute. She did show me her ID eventually. I don’t think I’ll ask her again, though…)

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