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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Peppered With Inequality

| Evansville, IN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am working in the drive-thru for a rather popular fast food joint.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]! What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [Combo Number] with a [static garble] and a [name of soda that has a Ph.D.].

Me: “All right, one [Combo] with a Dr. [Soda]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Well, you can call it that.”

Me: “What did you mean, ‘You can call it that’?”

Customer: “I call it Nurse [Soda] ‘cause nurse is the female form of doctor. Girl Power!”

Me: “You know there are female doctors, right?”

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Totally Eye-Balling

| Dublin, Ireland | Bizarre, Health & Body

Me: “Oh, my God, you have the most beautiful eyes. Your makeup is fabulous. Doesn’t she have the most amazing eyes? I’ve never seen eyes so wonderful.”

Midwife: “Ookaaay, let’s go easy on the gas and air during your next contraction.”

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Some Prefer Their Customers Toothless

| TN, USA | Bizarre

(I work as a shift leader at a well known fast food restaurant. As part of my duties, whenever a customer calls with a complaint or question, I do my absolute best to try and resolve it. Sometimes though, that can mean going to surprising lengths.)

Me: “[Restaurant], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. Would you go check your play area?”

Me: “Sure! Do you mind my asking what I’m looking for?”

Caller: “I think I left a… parcel in there, wrapped up in a napkin.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Did you say a ‘parcel’?”

Caller: “Yes!”

(Even though our customers are generally better than most, we still have the occasional drug addict or homeless person wander in. At the word “parcel,” my mind immediately suggests either heroin or marijuana.)

Me: “All right, ma’am. One moment, please.”

(I take a quick look through our kids area, but the “parcel” wrapped in napkins is nowhere to be found.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t see anything.”

Caller: *sighs* “Well, would you look through the trash, then? I wouldn’t normally bother, but these were very expensive!”

(She still hasn’t told me what I’m looking for yet. Hoping to give her a quick “no”, I start rifling through our very full trash can. I’m about to give her the news when my eye spots a wadded up napkin. I grab it, carefully unwrap it, and lo and behold, it’s a pair of shiny new dentures!)

Me: “All right, ma’am, I think I’ve found it. Is it… um, is it teeth?”

Caller: “YES! Oh, fantastic! I’ll be right over!”

(After vigorously washing my hands, I re-wrap the “teeth” and stash it behind the counter. A tall, weathered looking gentleman walks through the door.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Actually, I’m…. I hate to say this, but I’m here for the teeth…”

(I smiled, wordlessly picked up the “parcel,” and handed it to him. He left with a skip in his step, and I never saw him again!)

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Assault And Battery For The Salt And Battery

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I am working the register. The day has been smooth so far, and I’ve even managed to tell a few jokes to liven up a customer’s day. A middle-aged man comes into the store, buying a packet of salt, and some batteries.)

Me: *joking* “I guess I’ll have to charge you for assault and battery, now do I?”

Man: *irate* “YOU F****** D******! I’M SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE JOKE, NOT YOU! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!” *throws salt at my chest and storms out*

Customer: Holy s***! Did someone put salt in his coffee today?

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Getting There One Micro Clue At A Time

| BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am a supervisor at a fast food restaurant. We don’t sell very much decaf coffee in the afternoon, so the decaf pot often gets cold before it is all used up.)

Customer: “Could I get a small decaf coffee?”

Me: “Hmm, it’s not too fresh right now. I can make a fresh pot if you like; it would only be a few minutes.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine; I’ll just drink the one you have there.”

(The customer takes her decaf coffee and sits down. She comes back a couple minutes later.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This coffee is cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s not very fresh. Would you like me to put on a fresh pot for you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, I can refund your coffee, then.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So… what do you expect me to do about it?”

Customer: “Microwave my coffee!”

(I microwaved the customer’s coffee, and she seemed satisfied!)

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