Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!


Had Good Just Cause

| Canada | Bizarre, Prank

(We have a family friend who is known for prank phone calling us. The phone rings and my dad answers and the voice on the other end sounds just like his friend when he tries to do a fake accent.)

Caller: “Hello, sir, I’m calling on behalf of the missing children’s foundation. We are looking for donations to—”

Dad: *cutting him off and deciding to play along* “Oh, I’m so sorry, I can’t donate to that. You see, I already donate generously to the missing turtles foundation.”

Caller: “Uh, the what, sir?”

Dad: “The missing turtles foundation. It’s a very worthy cause helping lost turtles.”

Caller: I see, well, sir, I am sure it’s a very worthy cause but let me tell you a little bit about the missing children’s foundation.”

(The caller goes into a big spiel about the foundation and talks for a good 10 minutes. My Dad is impressed with his friend’s commitment to this one. After a good ten minutes have passed….)

Dad: “I’m sorry, could you start again. I wasn’t listening!”

(The caller keeps his calm and politely begins his spiel again. Finally my dad interrupts again.)

Dad: “All right, all right, I will donate to your cause! It’s not turtles but it sounds good!”

Caller: “Thank you, sir! Let me transfer you to my supervisor and she can collect the donation!”

(At this point my dad gets confused, thinking his friend may pass the phone to his wife. However his wife has never been involved in any of the prank calls before.)

Supervisor: *who sounds nothing like our friend’s wife* “Thank you for choosing to donate, sir! We can get started on the process.”

Dad: “Uh, I thought this was a prank call!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, sir? You thought this was a prank?”

(Needless to say my dad was pretty embarrassed and gave them a good donation for all the trouble! Our prankster family friend thought it was hilarious when we shared the story with him!)


Fear Of The Unknown

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work the front desk and I frequently get calls about inquiries and a list calls wanting to know about our facility. I do not now many details if we can or cannot do certain things.)

Me: “[Retirement Home], this is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to find a place for my mother but it needs to be unknown.”

Me: “Are you asking for information about our facility but you don’t want your mother to know you that you’re inquiring?”

Customer: “Um, not really. I’m trying to find a place where no one knows where my mother is. Do you provide that?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “People try to steal from my mother. Do you provide a service that can prevent that?”

(I have no clue to what she is asking for and whether we can provide those services for her, I decide to “wing it.”)

Me: “I believe that we can provide those services, but I’m not sure what we would call them and everyone in sales is not currently in.”

Customer: “Um, okay, but you do provide those services?”

Me: “I believe we do.”

Customer: “…okay.” *click*


The Moon Is In Need Of A Reboot

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “Where are your books about conspiracies? I’m looking for an author named David Icke.”

Me: *showing him the section* “They’re here, in Cultural Studies.”

Customer: “I love reading about conspiracies. I never watch TV, you know, because it turns off part of your brain.”

(The customer proceeds to describe a number of increasingly unbelievable conspiracy theories.)

Customer: “…and the government built a weather control machine in Alaska, and they’re doing all kinds of crazy things with it. Do you know anything about this author? What does he write about?”

Me: “Well, as I understand it, he claims our reality is an illusion projected by the moon, which is really a computer built by lizard people who rule the world.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know about that lizard people stuff. That seems a little far-fetched.”

(After about an hour of looking through them, he proceeds to buy a stack of David Icke books.)


I’m Team Peppa

| NJ, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a bookstore that closes at 10:00 pm. I am checking out my last customer when someone comes up to me and puts a book on the table.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like to return this book.”

Me: “Of course, sir! Why would you like to return this book?”

Customer: “I gave it to my four-year-old son and he said that he couldn’t read it. There also weren’t any pictures in it.”

(As I continue to inspect the book, I realize he has given his son a Twilight book.)

Me: “Sir, you do realize that you just gave your son a Twilight book. He shouldn’t be reading this.”

Customer: “What? Man, you must be VERY stupid. If you know how to read, it says ‘Peppa Pig’ on the cover.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that this is Twilight.”

(I then realized that the customer had taped a paper that read “Peppa Pig” over the normal title so that his son wouldn’t notice. He kept trying to convince me that it was Peppa Pig. He had to be escorted out when he tried to assault me.)


As Daft A Brush

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A lady of around 60 approaches the checkout, brandishing a pack of two toothbrushes.)

Customer: “There are two brushes in here!”

Me: “Ah, yes. It’s a manufacturer’s promotion. You get a second brush free.”

Customer: “But it’s in the packet.”

Me: “Well, because the promotion is by the manufacturer rather than by us, they put the free brush right there in the packet with the other one.”

Customer: “I only want one.”

Me: “The second one’s free…”

Customer: “I only want one toothbrush. I don’t need a second.”

Me: “Well… you could just save the second one until you need it. Save yourself another trip down here next time.”

Customer: “I want ONE.”

Me: “Do you have family? Give the free brush to someone! It’s free!”

Customer: “I want a packet with ONE brush in it. You must have some in the back.”

Me: “Sorry, only these ones at the moment–”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I just want to buy a toothbrush!”

Me: “If you buy this, you can take the second brush out… and throw it away!”

(Customer paused for a moment.)

Me: “You don’t even have to leave the shop. Once you’ve paid, you can open it right here and I’ll dispose of the second brush for you.”

(She insisted on speaking to the manager for a while but went with my plan in the end. She paid the asking price, opened the packet, took one brush home and gave the free one to the manager to throw away.)

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