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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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You Can’t Just Squirt That Kind Of Thing Out

| Canada | Bizarre, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m making drinks on a typical weekend. The customers waiting for drinks are a pair of fifty-year-old golf buddies just chatting.)

Me: “Your mocha will be ready in just a moment here.”

Customer: “Yah, sure.”

(Having run out of whip cream, a pull a fresh container from my fridge and give it a shake. Typically new containers have some water running down the sides from condensation and this flies off when I shake it. Neither customers nor colleagues tend usually notice.)

Customer #1: *watches this* “Oh, so you’re a squirter?”

Me: *look up with very wide eyes, mid-drink* “Um, pardon me?”

Customer #2: “You can’t say stuff like that!”

Customer #1: “Oh.” *picks up drink and walks off without apology*

Me: *stunned silence*

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Always One Answer Ahead

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work in customer service for a large pharmaceutical wholesaler. I speak to a lot of busy pharmacists who are too busy to listen to me, but this one took the cake!)

Customer: “Can you tell me when [item] will be back in stock?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! Bear with me a few moments while I look it up, please.”

Customer: “Can you look it up?”

Me: “Certainly, it will just take a few seconds to populate.”

Customer: “Do you see it?”

Me: “It’s almost loaded… Okay, I do apologize, but it looks like my information for this item is outdated. I will need to check with the distribution center for an update.”

Customer: “Can you find out from the distribution center?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I will send them a ticket and call you back with their response.”

Customer: “Will you call me back?”

Me: “Yes. May I verify your phone number is [number]?”

Customer: “Thank you! Bye!”

(Fortunately, it was the correct number. I was worried, since he didn’t seem to hear most of anything else I had said!)

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Some Customers Are Just Too Much

| Glens Falls, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am in my second year of employment as a bagger at a higher-end grocery store that sells itself on its all natural and organic products, all of which are at a significant mark-up. It’s late at night; the only people on the floor are two service leaders and me. A customer with a cart near overflowing comes to the register. She unloads her cart, almost entirely comprised of organic foods, and we set about getting the order completed. I am nearly finished bagging.)

Cashier: “That will be [three-figure price].”

Customer: *stated, with no emotion in her voice* “Oh, that’s too much.”

(As it is late, we are tired, and unsure of what the customer wants us to do about it.)

Cashier: “Well, most of what you bought was all organic, and that is more expensive than the non-organic.”

Customer: *still emotionless* “That’s too much.”

(At this point, the customer starts looking around, and it occurs to us that she is hoping another customer, of which there are none, will heroically come to her rescue and pay for the not insignificant cost of her groceries. Upon realizing that she is alone, she looks back at us.)

Customer: “I only have 75 dollars.”

Cashier: “Well, would you like us to take something off of your order?”

Customer: “Yeah, lemme see…”

(The customer proceeds, taking no more than two items off at a time, again hoping that someone will come to her financial rescue. A half-an-hour later, we have reduced her order to only a handful of very expensive items, but are below the 75 dollar limit. She pays, and walks out, leaving the belt covered in her excess groceries. As the woman leaves the building, the cashier turns to me.)

Cashier: “Did she really think someone was going to pay for her groceries at 10:30 at night?”

Me: “I try not to think about it. It just makes my head hurt.”

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Danny Trejo Must Really Need The Work

| Hamburg, Germany | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a somewhat difficult neigbourhood, with some gang violence here and there, but luckily I have never experienced anything bad. A strange-looking guy comes into the store, holding a big suitcase. As I am alone, he starts to look suspiciously around him, making sure, no one else is in the room. I start to get a little nervous as he comes to the register and puts the suitcase on the counter. He opens the suitcase and pulls out a big machete and starts to wave it around my face. I back up to the wall behind me and in my head start to say goodbye to my family and my cats. He then asked me in broken English:)

Man: “You want to buy knife? Is good knife. Really sharp knife. Can cut things. I give you for 100€.”

(As I realize that he doesn’t want to rob me, I say with a shaken voice:)

Me: “Eh, no… No, thank you. I… I don’t need a knife.”

Man: *then waves the machete around some more* “Is best knife. I can give you for 50€. Special price. I can give you for 30€. Buy knife?

Me: *shaking my head in disbelief* “No… thank you.”

(He then put the machete back in the suitcase, waved me goodbye, and went out of the store.)

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Firing Off At You Over The Fire

| Birmingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work the morning shift at a local corner shop. Every day around the same time I would smell a burning smell. I mention it to the manager who has people come in to check everything over but say there’s nothing to worry about. One morning the smell is even stronger than before. I call my manager over to ask her if she can smell anything. Before she can say anything she points behind me. The cupboard with all the electrics has white smoke pouring out the gaps of the door.)

Manager: “I’ll set the alarm. You get everyone out.”

(She runs to the alarm while I run around the shop to see if anyone is in. Being six am there isn’t so we both run out. My manager asks to borrow my phone to call 999. I hand her my phone and figure I should knock on all the doors to the shops and the residence above the shops next to us, though a man has already walked up to us at this point.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, there is a fire. You can’t come in.” *I go to start knocking on doors*

Man: “Wait, did you call 999?”

Me: “Yes, she’s doing it right now.” *I go to move again but he grabs my arm*

Man: “That’s white smoke; that would make it an electrical fire. Can you not just turn it off?”

Me: “The fire is on the switch to turn it off!”

(I give his arm a little shake but he steps in front of me.)

Man: “Could you not use a fire extinguisher?”

(I had thought of this, but as the fire was behind a door I didn’t want to cause a fire wave in my face with the rush of oxygen it would get.)

Me: “No. Please, I need—”

Man: “Need to get out of here? Just caring about your own a**? What about the people still asleep in the houses? Should you not warn them!?”

Me: *in my head* “I would be but I’m stood here talking to you!” *to Man* “I was just about to do that, sir…”

(At this point my manager has finished on my phone and hands it back to me.)

Manager: “Just make sure no one goes in except the fire people. I’ll go wake everyone up.”

(She runs off and the man is still standing next to me.)

Me: “Sir, if you could please move along. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

Man: “Sure, and when I leave you’ll just bolt. I’m staying right to make sure you do what your boss told you to do.”

(I chose to ignore him and waited for the emergency services which arrived in record time. I told them what the deal was and they dealt with it promptly. I saw the man walk off while giving me the ‘I’m watching you’ signal.)

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