Category: Bad Behavior


A Magnet For Stupidity

| Lancaster, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(This happens to my coworker. At 6:30 am, a guest storms up to the front desk and throws down his key card.)

Guest: “My d*** key doesn’t work anymore! It won’t work on the front door, it won’t work on the back door, and it won’t work on my room door! It doesn’t work at all!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, sir. I’ll remake it for you right now.”

Guest: “What the h*** is wrong with it? It worked last night!”

Coworker: “Did you happen to put it near your cell phone?”

Guest: “Yeah, I guess. But what does that have to do with anything?”

Coworker: “Well, sir, when you put the card too close to your phone, that can cause it to demagnetize.”

Guest: “What? That’s stupid! Why do you have such ridiculous keys? I should be able to put my key wherever I want!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s just the way the keys are. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Guest: “Well, too bad! I’m going to keep putting it by my phone! You’ll just have to make me a new one each day!”

(The guest grabs his new key and storms off. I’m not sure what he meant by “too bad,” since deliberately letting his key get decoded would only be an inconvenience for him, not us.)


I Believe The Flavor You’re Looking For Is ‘Irony’

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Lafayette, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’ve seen as many as three people a day do this…)

Customer: *picking through multi-flavored candy in order to only get the “good” flavors* “How come people keep picking through this and only taking the good flavors?!”


Must Be Another Trump Supporter

| Cornwall, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Politics

(I am working a busy evening shift in my local village store. Normally our customers are fine but every now and then, one comes in drunk. My till is right by the newspapers.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Having a nice night?”

Customer: *nodding at the papers* “They should just nuke them.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Those d*** terrorists. We should just nuke them.”

Me: “Er… I’m not sure that would be a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one, terrorists organisations aren’t exactly in one particular location like a country, and two, it’s never a good idea to drop nuclear weapons.”

Customer: “We should f***ing nuke them!”

Me: “Very good, sir. You have a nice night.”


New Heights Of Unreasonableness

| Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(It is a busy Saturday night in a 70-seater a-la-carte restaurant. My father is restaurant manager and I am wine waiter. Two quite drunk fellas wander into the restaurant and sit at a table which has been reserved. My father notices this and makes his way to the table.)

Customer: “Bring us a menu.”

Father: “Sorry, gents, but this table’s reserved. You’ll have to go onto the waiting list but I should point out there’s a 45 minute wait.”

Customer: “We’re not moving. Bring us a menu.”

Father: “I’m sorry, but I’ve explained that you will have to wait.”

(The other drunk customer gets agitated and pipes up.)

Other Customer: “Look, just bring us menus or I’ll kick your head in.”

Father: *who is 6 foot 2 inches* “Sir, if you can lift your leg that high, you deserve to kick my head in. Now piss off out of my restaurant.”

(They did…)


Returner Burner, Part 3

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

(I work for the largest national book store in the US. I get this phone call.)

Customer: “Hi. I ordered a book off y’all’s website and was wondering if I could return it to the store?”

Me: “I’d be happy to check that out for you, ma’am. What was the name of the book?”

(She tells me and I look it up. The information tells me it is non-returnable, but I tell her I’ll check with a manager to be sure. Manager confirms my concern.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is non-returnable though the stores. If you wish to return it, you will have to ship it back. There should be a return label in the box and I’d be happy to walk you through it.”

Customer: “See, this is why I usually order from [the largest distributer of online goods and my employer’s biggest rival], you little b****.”

Me: *taken aback* “Whoa! But ma’am, if you bought it from [previously mentioned company] and wanted you to return it, you’d have to ship it back, too.”

(She hung up on me.)

Returner Burner, Part 2
Returner Burner

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