Category: Bad Behavior

Will Pay For What They Said

| Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(A customer has been getting very irate while waiting for manager to authorise her discount. The manager comes down after a couple of minutes.)

Manager: “I am terribly sorry, madam. A woman has gone into labour in the fitting rooms.”

Customer: “That means nothing to me. I am a paying customer, and paying customers comes first. That hussy you’ve got back there probably can’t even afford anything in this store!”

Manager: *annoyed* “Of course, madam. I see you are trying to use this coupon?”

Customer: “Yes, now get a—”

(The manager walks away from us and starts attending to another customer.)

Customer: “HEY! You were helping me, not them!”

Manager: *turning his head* “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said paying customers come first. Am I to assume you no longer want to use your coupon and actually pay?”

(The woman blushes and keeps quiet while the manager finishes with the other customer. He processes her coupon, but before he hands the receipt over.)

Manager: “In future, madam, steer clear of here, unless you want to be thrown out. No one in my store calls a pregnant woman, much less one in labour, a ‘hussy’ and demands priority treatment because they’re ‘paying.’ Now get out!”

(The woman managed a feeble apology and left in a hurry.)

Misplaced Your Misplacement

| ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

Patron: “Can you help me find a book? The catalog says it’s available, but it’s not where it’s supposed to be.”

Me: “Sure! First we’ll check and make sure we’re looking in the right ‘neighborhood’, since our books aren’t in strict Dewey order anymore; they’re arranged in neighborhoods and then by Dewey.”

Patron: “Yes, I know. This one is supposed to be in Sports & Recreation.”

Me: “Perfect! I’ll just look it up real quick to get the complete number.”

(I jot down the call number of the book he is looking for (he actually remembered the title!), and then we go to check the shelf in Sports & Recreation. Sure enough, the title he wants is not on the shelf where it is supposed to be. I scan the shelves above and below, and on either side, just in case it is a little out of order.)

Me: “Hmmm… I don’t see it anywhere. We can go check on the carts downstairs to see if it’s waiting to be shelved. We can also check to see when it last circulated. It might be missing.”

Patron: “Oh, it was just here the other day, because I was looking at it before.”

Me: “Oh, did you happen to put it on a cart to be re-shelved?”

Patron: “No, I put it on a different shelf so that no one else would take it.”

Me: *struggling to keep facial expression neutral* “Okay… well, where did you put it?”

(He leads me to another section entirely and points at the cookbooks. Sure enough, there was the book he wanted, tucked in among the vegan cookbooks.)

Me: “Here it is… right where you left it.”

Patron: “Well, that’s frustrating. How are we supposed to find books if they’re not where they’re supposed to be?”

Infested With Callers

| Greenville, SC, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I’m making outbound phone calls to customers whose issues couldn’t be resolved in the first phone call to our company, when I find this one. The notes read as follows:)

Note: “Customer is calling to check the status of his repair. Service center has determined the device is heavily infested with cockroaches and is refusing service due to the infestation. Customer wants to know how to clean the device out so that the service center will repair it. Call customer back and advise.”

(Included with the notes were graphic pictures from the service center of the open electronic device full of cockroach carcasses and general funk. Dreading the call I asked my supervisor what I could suggest to him if anything. She suggested that he could insert the business end of a canister of canned air into one side of the unit and try to blow the bodies out of the other. As I was gagging at the thought of roach bits becoming airborne, I call the customer back.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m calling from [Company] regarding your device…”

Customer: “Are you going to tell me how to clean it out? I need my s*** fixed! Hold on, I’m on the phone with another f***er from your company. Let me hang up on this f***er.”

(Fortunately for me, he accidentally hung up on me in the process and I didn’t have to call him back because he already had someone else on the line.)

Conditioned For A Law-Suit

| Mumbai, India | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I am getting my monthly haircut when a well-dressed young female customer walks in.)

Customer: *to Receptionist, extremely nicely* “I need to get my hair straightened today as well. I have a engagement party to attend. Can the stylist cover me now?”

Receptionist: “We are booked for the next two hours, but if you come by then, we can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, but I need to leave in an hour. Can you accommodate?”

Stylist: *walks over* “It will take three hours for the straightening and two days for the hair to settle.”

Customer: *slightly annoyed* “Oh, can’t you do in some super fast way?”

Stylist: *obviously tired, but politely* “No, ma’am. But tell you what, we should give you a quick conditioning and you can come by in the evening for the treatment.”

Customer: *a little more than slightly annoyed* “How much would that be?”

Receptionist: “200 rupees.” *about $5*

Customer: *suddenly going back to nice mode* “Can you give it to me as complimentary? I promise to be a regular.”

(After a five-minute back-and-forth, the receptionist gives in and assigns a shampoo girl for a free conditioning.)

Customer: *sweetest voice ever* “Thank you. I promise I will be a regular and spend lots of money here.”

(I am just about done and go in for a quick rinse next to the female customer. I have my eyes closed when suddenly:)

Customer: “OWWW. THAT WATER IS TOO HOT!” *gets up splashing water over me, which is obviously not hot*

Shampoo Girl: “Sorry, ma’am. I will adjust it down.”

Customer: “OWWW, STILL IT’S STILL TOO HOT!”

(This cycle goes on two-three times until…)

Customer: *yelling at receptionist* “YOU HAVE INCOMPETENT PEOPLE HERE. MY DAD IS A LAWYER. I WILL DRAG YOU TO COURT.”

(A senior stylist steps in…)

Customer: *eyes rolled up, continuously mumbling to herself* “I will drag these people to court. My dad is a lawyer.”

(I complete my haircut and am waiting for my wife to pick me up.)

Me: *to Shampoo Girl, who is shivering outside* “Don’t worry; she’s crazy.”

(Next month, when I came back, I heard the crazy customer tried to pull off the same stunt in other salons in the area and is effectively banned from all three upscale chains across the country.)

A Brutal Return

, | UK | Bad Behavior

(As an online retailer we send thousands of parcels out every day. Occasionally we make mistakes or have items with small insignificant faults sent back. But this has to be one of the best complaint letters ever received. No name or return address; just a letter that reads as follows, and a small 15cm line of paper that gets peeled off the sticky strip on the parcel when it’s sealed:)

Note: “Hello there, I think you put this in my delivery by mistake. I enclose it here as I do not want your rubbish. Hopefully you have driven to the sorting office to collect it and pay for the stamp I forgot to put on the envelope. #Keepyourtrash #Notimpressed”

(Brutal.)

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