Category: Awesome Workers

Got Some Paprika In Her Pants

| Bismarck, ND, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior

(A woman and her son approach my counter, which is currently surrounded by other customers waiting patiently during the start of the busy holiday season.)

Woman: *pushing past everyone else* “Do you have [six-year-old game]?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t. I can double check our website after I finish with this gentleman to see if it available online.”

Woman: “God-d*** it! This is why I don’t shop here. You’re all lazy f***s! Won’t even go look for one simple f****** game!”

Me: “Do you have paprika in your kitchen?”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Do you have paprika?”

Woman: “What the f—”

Me: “You see, you know the answer because you take care of your kitchen. You stock your kitchen. You clean your kitchen. You own your kitchen. It is the same here for me and our video games. I know we don’t have it because I haven’t stocked it. In addition, [Game] came out a year before our store opened. I offered to look it up on our website, which would also tell us if a nearby [Chain] store has it in stock; if you don’t want me to do so, a simple ‘no thanks’ would suffice.”

Woman: *as she storms off* “F*** YOU!”

(Her antics turned the calm queue into a shoving match to get in front of the line since ‘she got help before everyone else.’)

Not Always King or A Royal Pain In The A**    

| Wilrijk, Belgium | Awesome Workers

(The dutch equivalent of “the customer is always right” is the equally annoying “customer is king.” I’m shopping food with my girlfriend when this short but sweet exchange takes place.)

Angry Old Lady: “Customer is king.”

Girlfriend: *makes proper bow* “Welcome to democracy, your highness.”

(She shut up after that.)

Almost Having A Senior Moment

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Workers

(I’m working the register on Senior Discount Day. For some reason they made the age for “seniors” pretty young (55) which results in some odd looks when we ask if customers qualify, something we are required to do.)

Me: “So that will be [total]. Oh, wait! Do you qualify for our senior discount at 55?”

Lady: “Uh, no. I’m close though, I guess.” *jokingly offended* “Do I look like a senior to you? Why would you ask me that?”

Me: “Sorry, gotta ask everyone!”

Lady: “But still…”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m supposed to ask everyone who isn’t a teenager. And I think even you’d agree with me that you can’t pass for 18.”

Lady: *said between laughs* “That’s a good one!”

Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma, Part 2

| CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(It’s my last few days as a shift manager for a national pizza chain, so my filter is off because I know I won’t be fired. One of the order takers calls me to the phone, saying the customer on the line wants to talk to a manager.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I wanted to complain about my pizza! It was terrible!”

(He goes on a rant about how every time he orders from us, the pizza is awful and why can’t we get it right? I break in long enough to get his details and pull up his account and see we’ve given at least a dozen free pizzas after he’s complained.)

Customer: “And I’m never ordering another pizza from you guys ever again!”

Me: “All right, that sounds fine to me. Thank you. Goodbye.” *I start to hang up*

Customer: “Wait, wait! Don’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t think there was anything else I could help you with.”

Customer: *sputtering* “Well, aren’t you even going to offer me a free pizza credit for next time?!”

Me: “And call you a liar? Sir, I would never! You said you weren’t ordering from us ever again, and I believe you. Bye!”

(I hung up. Best interaction I ever had while working there.)

Related:
Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma

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Very Sharp Humor

| Awesome Workers, Bizarre

(I’m the cashier. In the middle of scanning and bagging various items for a guest, she asks if I have scissors to remove a tag. I look at her, and just let my eyes glaze over, and drop my voice a bit.)

Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t let me play with sharp pointy objects anymore.”

(The customer actually stepped back a bit, and I smile.)

Me: “No, really. We can’t have blades or sharp things on the checkout lane; you’ll have to go to customer services to get them to cut off your tags.”

(I did that line several more times over the years and the hardest part was keeping a straight face. Freaked people out every time I could pull it off!)

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