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Category: Awesome Customers

Time Waits For Slow Man, Part 2

| Waynesville, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I’m in line at a grocery store in a tiny town in the North Carolina mountains. In front of me is an old woman who’s moving rather slowly. Behind me is a young suit who has no patience.)

Old Woman: “Now is this one on sale, sugar?”

Young Suit: *muttering loudly behind her* “This is bulls***.”

Old Woman: “I got me two, no, three coupons.”

Young Suit: *even louder* “Some of us have places to be.”

Old Woman: “I think I got me two pennies, darling. Just a minute.”

Young Suit: “Come on, come on, get your a** in gear!”

Old Woman: “Young man, if you was a-wantin’ to get there so early, you should have left home sooner!”

Related:
Time Waits For Slow Man

Someone Is Telling Porkies

| Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

(The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

You Won’t Be-Leaf It

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top, Transportation

(I am on the bus. There was a rather severe windstorm the previous night.)

Passenger: “Why are we stopping in the middle of the road?”

Driver: “There’s a fallen tree in the road.”

(The passenger talks to his companions for a few seconds.)

Passenger: “Can you let us off?”

Driver: “Why?”

Passenger: “We’re going to move the tree.”

(The passenger is a rather skinny looking guy.)

Driver: “…Sure.”

(The passenger and his friends get off the bus, then proceed to drag the fallen tree out of the road.)

Driver: “Well, I’ll be…”

(Thanks to the passengers who cleared it, and to the bus driver who let them off to do it—since it’s against policy to let them off at any place but a proper bus stop.)

He Got Served While Getting Served

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(A customer is debating the price of items with me. I have told him several times they are not on sale. This has taken almost ten minutes, and the people behind him are starting to look very annoyed.)

Me: “Sir, I assure you those items are not on sale.”

Customer #1: “You b****! They are too! You’re just trying to rob me! Where the h*** is your manager?”

Me: “I am the manager on duty. ”

Customer #1: *grabs my shirt collar* “That’s bulls***! Women can’t run stores. You’re too dumb! Especially your age!”

(At that moment, another customer, Customer #2, intervenes. Note that Customer #2 is a petite lady in her late twenties, about as old as me. She stands on her toes, grabs Customer #1’s shoulder, and yanks him around. Then, she slaps him across the face.)

Customer #1: *stunned* “Wh-wha? Who the h*** do you think you are?”

Customer #2: “You work at [very successful local legal firm], right?”

Customer #1: *nods*

Customer #2: “Well, I own [very successful local legal firm], and you don’t work there anymore.”

(Customer #1 finally recognizes Customer #2 and gets a horrified look of realization on his face. He sprints out of the store, leaving his groceries on the counter.)

The Sound Of One Idiot (And) Clapping

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

(The customer at the front of the queue is talking loudly on their phone, and ignores me when I ask what they want. I decide to ask the person behind them for their order.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I’m at the front. You serve me before him!”

Me: I’m very sorry, sir. You were on your phone. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Jesus! Stop interrupting me, can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” *continues conversation*

Customer #2: *quietly, to me* “Follow my lead.” *then, very clearly, at normal speaking volume* “Clap once if you can hear me.”

(Claps.)

Customer #2: “Clap twice if you can hear me.”

(Claps twice, with me and the person behind him joining in.)

Customer #2: “Clap three times if you can hear me.”

(Three claps, more of the queue and the people sat at a nearby table have joined in – most of the other people in the shop have stopped talking to see what the clapping is about.)

Customer #2: “Clap four times if you can hear me.”

(Most of the people in the shop clap along with him, with the person on the phone struggling to hear what’s being said by their friend.)

Customer #2: “Clap five times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone claps, and Customer #1 hangs up, looking angry.)

Customer #1: “How dare you interr—”

Customer #2: “Clap six times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone, except the now fuming phone guy, claps.)

Customer #2: “Oh, good. You seem to have finished your call. Why don’t you place your order now?”

(Customer #1 stutters for a few seconds, then storms out, mashing at his phone.)

Customer #2: “Oh, well. That was fun.”

(He got his drink for free, and now we always use that to shut up customers on their phones!)

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