Category: Awesome Customers

Identity Clause

| Plano, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(My wife and I are eating at a pizza buffet restaurant with our two sons when we notice a large older man with a full white beard seated at a nearby table, wearing a red shirt. This man is happily “admitting” to the kids who approach him that he is actually Santa. My boys are just past the age of believing in Santa, so we all enjoy seeing the wide-eyed wonder of the younger kids in the restaurant. About midway through our meal, “Santa” finishes his dinner and leaves. Barely two minutes after his departure, ANOTHER man with a white beard and red shirt enters the restaurant. It is uncanny; he clearly looks like Santa Claus himself, but is very obviously a different man. There is quite the commotion from the younger kids in the restaurant. Sensing the potential for disaster, I get up and approach the second man:)

Me: *quietly* “Hi. I thought you should know that the reaction you’re hearing is not just because you look like Santa Claus, but because another man who looks like Santa just left here.”

Second “Santa”: *to the room, without skipping a beat* “Sorry about the confusion, boys and girls. I’m the real Santa; that other guy was probably my brother Jim. He likes to pretend he’s me. I should stop him, but he’s a pretty nice guy himself. Merry Christmas!”

(That seemed to satisfy everyone. It makes me laugh to this day that there are kids who grew up thinking they’d seen both the real Santa and his brother “Jim.”)

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It Was A ‘No’ Brainer

, | ID, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(During a financial rough patch, my Internet service is disconnected for late payment. I call to see if I could get an extension.)

ISP Rep: “Thank you for calling [ISP].”

Me: “Yes, hello. My Internet was disconnected due to a past due balance. I was hoping you might be able to turn it back on. I get paid on Friday and can pay the bill then.”

ISP Rep: “I’m sorry, but without a payment we cannot reinstate service.”

Me: “Well, that sucks. Figured it was worth a shot. Okay, then, thank you.”

ISP Rep: “Okay? What do you mean Okay?”

Me: “Well, you agreed to provide me a service, and I agreed to pay for it. I failed to live up to my end of the deal, so you stopped providing your end. Fair enough. It sucks for me, but I’ll call back on Friday and get the bill paid and have my internet turned back on.”

ISP Rep: “Hmm. Sir, can you please hold?

Me: “Sure, I guess.”

(The rep puts me on hold for about five minutes and then returns.)

ISP Rep: “Sir, I’ve turned your Internet back on, but you have to promise me you will absolutely pay that bill on Friday, or else I’ll be in a lot of trouble.”

Me: “Sure, I will absolutely do that. Thank you very much, but if you don’t mind my asking, what changed?”

ISP Rep: “You are the first person in three months to not yell at me when I’ve told them ‘no’ to something.”

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They’re Tree Stumped

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(I’m the oblivious customer in this tale. There is a park in Old Town, San Diego that has many beautiful trees. I had walked into the information center to ask if they knew what kind of trees they were.)

Me: “Oh, I see you’re with someone. I can wait.”

(I proceed to stand at the desk while she helps the other customer.)

Employee: “Okay. What can I help you with?”

Me: “Yes, that really big tree out there. You wouldn’t happen to know what kind of tree that is, would you?”

Employee: “Well—” *pointing to the prominently displayed information card laid out literally underneath my elbow* “—according to the guide here, it’s a ficus.”

Me: *chuckle* “I couldn’t see the flyer for the trees.”

No Need To Get Alarmed At Security

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(As I am leaving Major Retailer, the alarm goes off. I immediately pull my cart back from the doorway and turn to the associate stationed there to monitor the alarms. She asks me to come over to the side so she can check my purchases for a “decoding error.” I figure it is probably the computer speakers I have just picked up – it certainly isn’t the bags of chips from the grocery department.)

Security: “No need to be nervous. This happens all the time.”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I’m not nervous. I know I didn’t steal anything.”

Security: “Oh, thank heavens. So many people get upset when this happens.”

Me: “Well, I know it’s not your fault, and I’ve worked retail before so I know what those customers are like.”

(She checks my receipt and tests the speaker box, which does indeed set off the alarm again, and makes a note for management to explain the alarm, then wishes me a good night.)

Me: “Have a good night yourself, and hopefully you won’t get yelled at before your shift ends.”

Security: *laughing* “I’ll be happy if I don’t get yelled at for ten minutes, because that would make a new record for today!”

Muggles Can’t See The Baconsaurus-Rex

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am the customer here. I have moved into a new apartment and am setting up the phone and Internet. It’s also exam period at the university where I work, so I have been up all night marking some truly abysmal papers. I am not operating well at all — which, of course, is the ideal time to deal with phone companies…)

Sales Rep: “…all right, we’re almost finished. I just need you to choose a username for this service.”

Me: *a little stressed* “Uh… I’m so bad at choosing these. And my brain is just not working… Hang on, give me a moment…”

Sales Rep: “Sure, take your time.”

(Sadly, my brain decides now is a good moment to catch up on lost sleep. The moment stretches on for what feels like several minutes, during which I come up with literally no ideas.)

Sales Rep: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Me: “Yeah, I am. Just, uh, having some trouble deciding.”

Sales Rep: “Most people just use theirname@[ISP].com, or some variation.”

Me: “Yes. That would be the sensible thing to do. For normal, sensible humans. OK, let’s go with [unusual nickname]@[ISP].com”

Sales Rep: “Would you be able to spell that, please?”

Me: “T, M -”

Sales Rep: “D, N?”

Me: “No, it’s ‘T’ for…Tyrannosaurus. ‘M’ for…Muggle. ‘B’ for …Bacon.”

(Suddenly, there is muffled giggling from the other end. It starts off quietly, but grows into an impressive crescendo.)

Sales Rep: *after having recovered somewhat* “Sorry about that. That’s just the best thing that’s happened all day. You have no idea how boring ‘Tango,’ ‘Mike,’ and ‘Bravo’ get. You get brownie points for that.”

Me: “Oooh! I think you mean ‘bacon points’!”

(Things went much better after that.)

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