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Category: Awesome Customers

In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You

| Bronx, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Language & Words

(The phone rings.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Pizza… Oh, f***, not again.”

(She hangs up. A few customers come and go, and the phone rings again.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Piz— f*** this!”

Customer: “Hey, lady, problem with the phone?”

Cashier: “Some sicko keeps calling from a blocked number and making creepy comments.”

Customer: “Hang on. I gotta go find my friend.”

(He pays and leaves… and comes back with a 6’8″ NYPD police officer.)

Police Officer: *with a minor Russian accent* “I hear you’re having a problem with a caller?”

Customer: “No, no. Do the accent! Make it f***in’ scary!”

Police Officer: *in a deeper voice with a thick accent* “Excuse me. I hear you have problem with caller?”

(The cashier explains. The police officer orders a slice of pizza, and he and his friend sit and chat for a few minutes. Then the phone rings.)

Cashier: “It’s a blocked number!”

Police Officer: *on the phone, with the accent* “Hello…. You are thinking my body is what? I am thinking your body probably very fragile. Very easy to— Oh, he hung up.”

(They stare at the phone a few minutes.)

Customer: “Problem solved?”

Cashier: *to customer* “So… is your buddy there single?”

Police Officer: *in accent* “Boris have many women. All are love him!”

Customer: “You’re married and your name isn’t Boris!”

Police Officer: “Boris is name of accent. Has life of its own.”

See this story as a comic!

Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

| KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

(I’m the customer in this situation:)

Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

Staff Member: “…”

Me: “Sorry.”

Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

Deaf To Reason, Part 4

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

(I am a cashier at a home improvement retail store, and an old lady comes up to my till holding a few cleaning supplies.)

Me: Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $17.36. Will that be on your store credit card?”

Customer: *no answer, inserts card into reader and enters pin*

Me: *hands her her receipt* “Thanks a lot! Have a good day!”

Customer: “D*** kids! You could have at least said something. Isn’t it your job to make conversation with the customer? So rude!”

Me: “I did. I asked you how you were doing, I asked if your purchase will be on our credit card, and I hoped you have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? I’m as deaf as anything!”

Me: *getting annoyed because of the lineup forming behind her* “You just heard what I said, ma’am. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, I never! I’m going to get your rude a** fired!”

Me: All right. You have a nice day, too.

(The next customer walks up.)

Next Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could charge me for a pack of toilet paper? That lady spread BS all over here.”

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 3
Deaf To Reason, Part 2
Deaf To Reason