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Category: Awesome Customers

His Name Is Olaf And He Likes Hot Cheeseburgers

| AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am a male and take chats from the website of a large North American cable company.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company] sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Yes, [My Name], it’s Olaf!”

Me: “Hello, Olaf! How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “I need Internet, and I have a few questions. One: which service is best for gaming. Two: how much is a rental modem, and do you like cheeseburgers?”

Me: “Well, Olaf, that would be [Product], that modem is $3.99 per month, and I love cheeseburgers! Now, let’s get this ordered. I’ll be on with you to make sure all goes well!”

(The customer goes through the order without interruption, and an order number populates my screen.)

Me: “I see that order is [number]! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], that was easy! I have to say, my name really isn’t Olaf. It’s too bad I’m married, because I think I have a crush on you.”

Me: “Ha ha ha, And I, you, Not-Olaf!”

Customer: “If only this did not have to end.”

Me: “Alas, Not-Olaf all things come to an end. So I must ask: is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “D***, I knew you would say that! But I guess I’ve bothered you enough. Goodbye, sexy.”

Me: “Bye Not-Olaf! This made my day!”

(Customer closes chat.)

Speaking The Same Amount Of The Same Language

| ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Language & Words

Customer: “Bonjour! Comment ca va?”

Me: “Ca va bien, et toi?”

Customer: “Ca va bien!”

Me: “That’s it. That’s all I got. That’s all I know how to say.”

Customer: “Me, too!”

Me: “Well, we really sounded like we knew what we were talking about, didn’t we?!”

Customer: “We sure did!”

Self-Helpless Against Stupidity

| Middletown, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(One of the local supermarkets recently ‘upgraded’ their self-checkout systems. While nominally faster, the new systems are more complicated and far more prone to bugs. The first time I hit the ‘use a coupon’ button the whole screen is covered with a ‘please wait for attendant’ warning. One of the workers comes over.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t know what happened.”

Attendant: “Let me guess. You needed to use a coupon?”

Me: “Um… yeah?”

Attendant: “No problem. One second.”

(She swipes her ID card, types in a code, swipes the coupon, hits ‘done,’ and puts it in the slot.)

Attendant: “There you go.”

Me: “I guess there’s a problem with the coupon part?”

Attendant: “Yeah, we had a rash of people having issues with the sensor when putting the coupons in the slot who were just about ripping the machine apart instead of asking for any help at all.”

Me: “There’s no way they’d be that—”

(As if scripted, there’s suddenly a loud banging just behind us at the other machine; another shopper’s receipt jams in the printer because they tried to yank it out before it was done printing, and she is now PUNCHING the printer to try to get it to work.)

Me: “…okay, thank you for the help. Have a nice day and God’s speed, brave warrior!”

Attendant: “Once more into the breach!”