Category: Awesome Customers

They’re Tree Stumped

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(I’m the oblivious customer in this tale. There is a park in Old Town, San Diego that has many beautiful trees. I had walked into the information center to ask if they knew what kind of trees they were.)

Me: “Oh, I see you’re with someone. I can wait.”

(I proceed to stand at the desk while she helps the other customer.)

Employee: “Okay. What can I help you with?”

Me: “Yes, that really big tree out there. You wouldn’t happen to know what kind of tree that is, would you?”

Employee: “Well—” *pointing to the prominently displayed information card laid out literally underneath my elbow* “—according to the guide here, it’s a ficus.”

Me: *chuckle* “I couldn’t see the flyer for the trees.”

No Need To Get Alarmed At Security

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(As I am leaving Major Retailer, the alarm goes off. I immediately pull my cart back from the doorway and turn to the associate stationed there to monitor the alarms. She asks me to come over to the side so she can check my purchases for a “decoding error.” I figure it is probably the computer speakers I have just picked up – it certainly isn’t the bags of chips from the grocery department.)

Security: “No need to be nervous. This happens all the time.”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I’m not nervous. I know I didn’t steal anything.”

Security: “Oh, thank heavens. So many people get upset when this happens.”

Me: “Well, I know it’s not your fault, and I’ve worked retail before so I know what those customers are like.”

(She checks my receipt and tests the speaker box, which does indeed set off the alarm again, and makes a note for management to explain the alarm, then wishes me a good night.)

Me: “Have a good night yourself, and hopefully you won’t get yelled at before your shift ends.”

Security: *laughing* “I’ll be happy if I don’t get yelled at for ten minutes, because that would make a new record for today!”

Muggles Can’t See The Baconsaurus-Rex

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am the customer here. I have moved into a new apartment and am setting up the phone and Internet. It’s also exam period at the university where I work, so I have been up all night marking some truly abysmal papers. I am not operating well at all — which, of course, is the ideal time to deal with phone companies…)

Sales Rep: “…all right, we’re almost finished. I just need you to choose a username for this service.”

Me: *a little stressed* “Uh… I’m so bad at choosing these. And my brain is just not working… Hang on, give me a moment…”

Sales Rep: “Sure, take your time.”

(Sadly, my brain decides now is a good moment to catch up on lost sleep. The moment stretches on for what feels like several minutes, during which I come up with literally no ideas.)

Sales Rep: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Me: “Yeah, I am. Just, uh, having some trouble deciding.”

Sales Rep: “Most people just use theirname@[ISP].com, or some variation.”

Me: “Yes. That would be the sensible thing to do. For normal, sensible humans. OK, let’s go with [unusual nickname]@[ISP].com”

Sales Rep: “Would you be able to spell that, please?”

Me: “T, M -”

Sales Rep: “D, N?”

Me: “No, it’s ‘T’ for…Tyrannosaurus. ‘M’ for…Muggle. ‘B’ for …Bacon.”

(Suddenly, there is muffled giggling from the other end. It starts off quietly, but grows into an impressive crescendo.)

Sales Rep: *after having recovered somewhat* “Sorry about that. That’s just the best thing that’s happened all day. You have no idea how boring ‘Tango,’ ‘Mike,’ and ‘Bravo’ get. You get brownie points for that.”

Me: “Oooh! I think you mean ‘bacon points’!”

(Things went much better after that.)

Doing A Decent Job

| Birmingham, AL, USA | Awesome Customers

(I’m a customer in this story. I’ve just gotten off of work at a local fast food restaurant, but I’ve got my jacket over my clothes and I’m carrying a purse. I’m killing time before meeting a friend, so I’ve decided to check out the sales at the clothing store in the same strip mall as my restaurant. I’m looking at some ugly sweaters, opening them up and then folding them back. There’s about 20 different sweaters on this display.)

Voice Behind Me: “Ma’am, excuse me?”

(I turn around, and there’s a customer and her son standing there.)

Customer: “Could you help me find—”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Customer: *blinks* “But you’re folding the clothes.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I find that it really makes an employee’s day when they don’t have to go back and refold everything you’ve wrecked. Makes you a decent person.”

(The customer blinked a few more times while watching me stand there with a Darth Vader Christmas sweater in my hand, then ushered her son away in the other direction, still clearly confused. I continued to unfold the sweaters, check them out, then fold them back up. Two more confused me for workers while I did so, and the above conversation was repeated yet again, to more disoriented looks.)

That’s Stone-Cold Awesome

| Selma, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I’m ringing up a customer and he’s buying ten toy snakes, each at $1.)

Me: “I’m guessing you have a kid that really likes snakes?”

Customer: “No, my daughter has a school project and wants to make a Medusa wig.”

Me: “That’s the most amazing thing I have ever heard.”

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