Category: Awesome Customers

I Want The Most Crappy Cake You Have

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(A customer is looking to buy a five-inch round cake for a birthday party, but after discussing how many people will be there, decides to get a half sheet instead. The bakery uses marzipan to make novelty and adult sculptures to put atop cakes. This particular half sheet has a stylized sculpture of a pile of poop on top of it, which he thought would get more laughs than our other selection.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about how many guests there would be, but I’m sure everyone will get a kick out of this one!”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Now, that size of cake can be a bit heavy. Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “No worries. I have it!”

(He starts sliding the cake box off the counter.)

Customer: “Just gotta get my ke—”

(His supporting hand moves out from under the cake to his pocket and he pushes the entire cake off the counter, it somehow staying in its box.)

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Well… s***.”

(We ended up just slapping some extra icing on top and writing “for s***s and giggles” on it, as if that was the plan all along.)

Kids Are Wonderful

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I am a counselor, and am surrounded by about ten kids aged 5-12. Every single one of them are snorting trying to figure out who makes the better piggy noise. The youngest child, who is eight years old, runs over to me.)

Boy: *tugs on my shirt*

Me: “Yes?”

Boy: “It’s all going WONDERFULLY!”

(He ran back to make piggy noises like nothing happened, but I’m never going to forget the maniacal smile he was wearing.)

The Calm After The Storm

| NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Movies & TV, Popular

(This particular story happens the day after a really bad snow storm. The storm leads to us shutting down early the day before, numerous employee call outs because they still can’t get to work, and several of our company’s smaller locations nearby to have shut down for the day. My coworker and I are in the box office with a massively long line that is out the door.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait. What would you like to see today?”

Customer: “I’d like one ticket to [Movie], and there is no need to apologize. There was a blizzard yesterday. I’m just glad you guys are open.”

(I finish the transaction and call the next person.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait. What would you like to see today?”

Customer: “We’d like two for [Movie] and it’s fine. You guys are doing your best and it’s not a big deal that we had to wait a little while.”

(After several more transactions like this my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Are we in the Twilight Zone or something? Everyone is being polite about waiting in line.”

Me: “We’ve clearly entered some alternate universe where customers are nice to us.”

You’ve Been Uber-Nice!

| Chapel Hill/Durham, NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Popular, Transportation

(I am a new Uber driver, working my first Saturday with a full student population of 44,000 back from Christmas break with two home games. It’s been a hectic but pleasant afternoon when I pick up a woman catching the Megabus to Washington, DC, about a six to eight-hour ride. I have to drive through post-game traffic (which takes about 20 minutes), and during the ride she asked me to stop at a local restaurant to buy a snack for the trip.)

Me: “I’ve never been to [Restaurant], but have heard great things about it.”

Passenger: “Oh, it’s got really good crostini, paninis, and tramezzini. They have this amazing crostini with goat cheese, honey, and pepper.”

Me: “Sounds like a tasty combo. What’s a crostini?”

Passenger: “A small piece of toast with good stuff on top.”

Me: “Well, we’re about five minutes away. Maybe you should make a pickup call so you can make your bus.”

Passenger: “I’ll have to make it quick.”

(She calls the restaurant and is put on hold for several minutes, then orders what seems like a lot of food; by this time we are almost there.)

Passenger: “This could take a while. If you need to go park around the corner, I can find you.”

Me: “I think I can wait right here. Don’t want let your food get cold.”

(She is gone about 10 minutes. When she gets in, she hands me a small container.)

Passenger: “You’ve been very patient with me and the traffic so I got you a snack as well.”

Me: “Wow. I haven’t eaten since breakfast. Thanks a lot!”

(I dropped her off in plenty of time for the bus, and helped with the bags. Thank you, Megabus lady, you really made my 12-hour day!)

The Golden Age Of Tech Support

| UK | Awesome Customers, Popular, Technology

(I get a call from a customer about computer text-sizes. I can hear from the user’s voice that he was getting on a bit, and notice in the ‘notes’ section that the customer is semi-retired and not very computer-savvy. After I have explained:)

Caller: “Oh! I think I understand. I’ve not changed the text size, but I’m on my old laptop; the new one is in for repair. I’m just doing this for my son while he’s on holiday, and I’m more comfortable on the sofa. Give me a moment; I’ll just try plugging it into the TV…”

(At first I think he meant an external monitor, but as he fiddled around with the cables he explained he’d bought this particular TV for the range of different connectors it had, so the great-grandchildren could bring round their game consoles and he could watch his blu-ray discs from the laptop that was in for repair. He was rather scathing about the staff in the electronics shop who’d not listened to what he wanted and tried to sell him a much simpler model with big buttons on top.)

Caller: “Right, I’ll just get the RDP session back up… Oh, yes, that’s better. All the buttons are showing now.”

Me: “Great. So, did you need help with the new process?”

Caller: “No, the instructions are pretty clear. It’s good to not have all that mucking around printing things any more. Here’s hoping I can get the wireless keyboard and mouse to work with this old thing. I don’t want to be sitting on the floor. It’ll make my arthritis play up and I’ve got a class this afternoon!”

Me: “Oh, what are you doing?”

Caller: “I teach computers for senior citizens at the local college. They didn’t want to let me do it at first, said I’m too old, but I said to them, who better to understand how to explain things to pensioners than another pensioner! Who else really understands what sort of things we want to be doing? And the students can’t say they’re too old to understand when the teacher’s 96, can they? Though some people you just can’t help. Like my son; I expect he calls you a lot.”

(Every time I get a customer who says they’re too old to learn computers, I tell them about this man…)

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