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Category: Awesome Customers

Back To The Uber

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule, Transportation

(A large group of us are going from a house party to a club, so we order two separate Ubers. My group gets into the second Uber just as the first one is pulling away.)

Me: “Driver! Follow that car!”

Uber Driver: “Awesome! I’ve always wanted someone to say that!”

(We pull away and start following our friends in the first Uber.)

Uber Driver: “So, why are we following them?”

(My three slightly tipsy friends and I all answer simultaneously.)

Friend #1: “Kidnapping.”

Friend #2: “Terrorists.”

Friend #3: “Aliens.”

Me: “Time Travelers.”

Uber Driver: “So… time-traveling alien terrorists have kidnapped someone?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Uber Driver: “Well I have a flux-capacitor in the back!”

Me: “But this isn’t a DeLorean!”

Uber Driver: “Yeah, Uber wouldn’t let me use the DeLorean for fear I would get the passengers to their destinations before they even left their point of origin. Temporal paradoxes and all that. But I still have the spare flux-capacitor, so don’t tell them!”

Me: “Your secret is safe with us.”

Uber Driver: “So shall we time travel to stop the evil alien time-traveling terrorists from their fiendish scheme?”

Friend #1: “I see a problem with that plan.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Friend #1: “Good luck hitting 88 mph in downtown San Francisco…”

Cold Day, Hot Chocolate, Warmed Heart

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Awesome Customers

(It’s early January and I am the lot attendant for the local grocery store. It is bitterly cold outside, with the thermometer hovering at about six degrees and the wind chill pushing it down further. Snow is everywhere. I have just come in for my break. We have a little cafe area near the entrance that sells hot chocolate. I would get some, but the line is eight customers deep, and I only have fifteen minutes. I resign myself to a very unpleasant shift and head for the office. On the desk is a steaming hot cup of hot chocolate with a Post-It note attached. The note reads: “For the poor man out there dealing with the carts.)

Me: *to myself* “Best customer I never met.”

(To this day, I still don’t know who left that for me. Whoever you are, thank you so much for the hot chocolate. I don’t know how I would have gotten through that shift without it.)

It Would Be Penny-Wise To Accept Them

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

Me: “Okay, sir, that’ll be £[Total], please.”

Customer: *begins rifling through his fanny pack for change* “Oh, god.”

Me: “You all right?”

Customer: “I… just… It won’t…”

Me: “Do you not have the right change?”

Customer: *brings out two fistfuls of change and plants them on the counter* “Oh, god.”

Me: *worried* “Umm?”

Customer: *continues to rifle through fanny pack and draws another fist of pennies* “Nooo.”

Me: “Sir, I think this is plenty. I—”

Customer: *moans as if in pain as he brings out two more fistfuls* “THEY’RE BREEDING!”

(I’m still laughing.)