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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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Don’t Mess With The Moose

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I work for a state park, and we get asked a lot of the same questions every day. Sometimes we hear them enough and we simply respond by making some BS answer and continue leading the customer the wrong way, just so they will stop complaining.)

Customer: “This is my first time ever visiting here and I was wondering, when do the deer turn into moose?”

Me: *having heard this at least five times* “Usually around the end of October through the middle of November.”

Customer: “Could you be more specific on the date?”

Me: “My apologies, but it varies from year to year. Some years are better than others and they turn much quicker, though I have a feeling this is one of those years.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you for the useful information!”

(The man walked away thinking deer turn into moose. My coworkers asked how long I had been thinking of that answer. I made it up as we were talking, hoping he would catch my sarcasm…)

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Hold Your Breath For Crazy Cat Lady

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am working as an emergency room veterinarian and stop at a 24-hour grocery store near my house on my way home after work, still wearing my scrubs, at about 3 am.)

Me: *gets in the checkout line behind a woman, the only other customer*

Woman: *turns to me* “Are you a nurse? My cousin’s a nurse!”

Me: “What? Oh, no, I’m actually a veterinarian.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s so wonderful! That means you get to work with cats! That must be the best job in the world, because you get to be with cats all day. I bet you love your job!”

Me: *crazy cat lady alarm bells going off* “It can be pretty rewarding, yeah.”

Woman: “Cats are just the best. Well, of course YOU know that. You work with them! Aren’t they just the greatest? They’re just so amazing, the way they breathe!”

Me: “Um… what?”

Woman: “You know, the way they breathe! They breathe for us! They just breathe it in, breathe in all of our negative energy, everything, just breathe it all in and turn it to light! They’re the only animals that breathe for us! You must know that though. I’m sure they teach you that! They must tell you all about how they breathe!”

Me: “Uh… sure?” *looks at the cashier who by this point is trying to get the woman’s attention* “I think the cashier needs you to pay now.”

(The woman pays and leaves, continuing to babble on about cats to me and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Find everything you need?”

Me: “Depends. Do you stock crazy cat lady repellent?”

Cashier: *laughs* “I’ve actually seen crazier while working nights.”

Me: “Sadly, so have I…”

 

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A-Salted With Your Fishy Tale

| NJ, USA | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

Me: “Hello, this is [Pool Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *on the phone* “Hi, I just bought a house with a pool and had some questions.”

Me: “Certainly. First I need to know if it’s a salt or freshwater pool.”

Customer: “I don’t know; how could I find that out?”

Me: “I need to you check to see if you have a salt generator or not.”

Customer: “All right, I think it’s a salt pool. How would I start it up?”

Me: “Do you know the gallonage of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s [average size pool].”

Me: “All right. Well, looking at my chart, you’re going to need 625lbs of salt to reach the required concentration if the concentration is currently 0ppm.”

Customer: “That’s a lot of salt.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir.”

Customer: “How would I add the salt?”

Me: “Just toss it into the pool; there’s no special way of adding it.”

Customer: “That’s not how you do it.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir. There may be other systems out there but if it’s our pool then you don’t have a special salt system attached.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s how you add it?”

Me: “Yes. You want to raise your salt level to between 3000ppm and 3500ppm and to go to that from scratch, for your size pool, you need to add 625lbs of salt.”

Customer: “All right. Is it going to taste like salt?”

Me: “That’s a common misconception with salt pools. If the salt is within that range you won’t taste salt; if it’s 6000pm or higher you may.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me I need to add 1250lbs of salt?”

Me: “Not unless you want to taste salt.”

Customer: “What if I want to?”

Me: “Why would you want to taste salt?”

Customer: “Because I want it to be like the ocean.”

Me: “Ok…”

Customer: “How much salt would I have to add to my pool to be able to put fish in and swim.”

Me: “Are you telling me you want to make an open air salt water aquarium out of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I suggest you talk to a pet store. We can sell the salt but I have no experience in maintaining marine life.”

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Number One Tip Of The Day

| Nashville, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I’m working on a dog when a customer enters to pick up a dog that I finished earlier in the day. I put the dog that I am working on on the floor and tether it, and it immediately pees. One of my coworkers jumps in and picks up the dog while I drop some paper towels onto the mess and mop it up really quickly. We re-tether the dog, and I check out the customer, who jokes about the dogs peeing. I run to get the customer’s dog, and as soon as I hand it over, it pees. The customer and I both laugh about it, and I really wouldn’t have cared except the customer says:)

Customer: “Oh, look! He left you a tip!”

Me: “Oh, haha!”

(I drop paper towels onto the mess and the dog pees AGAIN!)

Customer: “Aw, another tip!”

Me: “…”

(The customer then walks out of the salon without actually leaving me any sort of tip whatsoever.)

Coworker: “What are you going to do with that amazing tip?”

Me: “It’s not even enough for me to drown myself in.”

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The Look On His Face Was Pure Goldfish

| WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am dealing with a customer who’s raising hell over late fees on his account that we refuse to waive. Notably, he pulled this same stunt on me the previous week, though bizarrely he doesn’t seem to recognize me until we until we get to this part of the exchange:)

Customer: “Do you know how much I spend in here? What if I said that, thanks to you, I’m never coming back and you can kiss my business goodbye?!”

Me: “I’d remind you that you said the same thing not more than seven days ago, yet here you are again.”

Customer: “What?! How do you know that?”

Me: “If you check your receipt you’ll find I’m the one who served you then. Also, you’re wearing the same outfit as the last time you were in here. It kind of makes you stand out, actually.”

(The customer looks down at the receipt in his hand, then to his flashy ensemble of expensive clothes. He looks back at me in shock.)

Customer: “Wait… you guys actually remember stuff like that?”

Me: “I’m actually surprised you don’t remember me considering it was only a week ago.”

Customer: “Uh… well, I do, but… s***, I thought you guys were like goldfish! Two hours and you forget everything… or something…”

(He eventually agreed to pay his late fees, still mumbling about how he couldn’t believe we still recalled who he was.)

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