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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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Where Else Would You Egg-spect Them To Come From?

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m an ER nurse and I am talking to one of my patients about my farm back home.)

Me: “Yeah, I have chickens and they’re about to—”

Patient: “What do you have chickens for?”

Me: “They lay fresh eggs that my family and I can eat.”

Patient: “You eat the eggs out of a chicken’s butt!?”

Me: “Uh… where do you think eggs come from?”

Patient: “I buy mine from the store. They’re store eggs!”

Me: “Those come out of a chicken’s butt, too.”

Patient: “But… but you said the ones you have are brown. The ones I get are white.”

Me: “Yeah… some chickens lay white eggs and other lay brown. That’s not how—”

Patient: “I guess I’m just never having eggs again… like, ever. That’s disgusting.”

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Demure Lemur

| Wales, UK | Pets & Animals, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(I’m a keeper at a local wildlife park. The park has a ‘Lemur Walkthrough,’ where customers can come into the enclosure and get up close with several species of lemur. I’m currently supervising the walkthrough to make sure that the lemurs and visitors are behaving themselves, when a woman comes up to me.)

Me: “Hi there! Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Hi. I just thought I’d let you know that you’ve got a very friendly lemur.”

Me: “Oh? What did they do?”

Customer: “I was just sitting on the bench when one of them came up and tried to undo my dress!”

Me: “Really? I’m so sorry! They can get quite cheeky when they’ve just had their lunch.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it! There aren’t many people can say that a lemur’s tried to undress them. I’ve certainly got something to remember today by now!”

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Hope They’re Just Pulling Your Trunk

| GA, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular

(The theme park I am employed at happens to have animals, one of which is a 75 year old elephant, who is incredibly lazy and likes to lay on her side.)

Me: *dispensing hay to the elephant’s feeding area*

Guest: “Ma’am, your hippo is dead.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “Your HIPPO is DEAD!”

(Deadpan, looks at the elephant she is referring to.)

Me: “You’re dumb.”