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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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He’s Horsing Around

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I help out at a friend’s riding stable. It’s not uncommon for people whose only experience with horses is watching Bonanza reruns on TV to then claim to be experienced riders.)

Me: “Have you had much riding experience?”

Customer: “Yeah, I know all about horses! Bring me a good, fast one.”

(I saddle a decent horse and bring him out for this guy.)

Customer: “How do I get on?”

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Swan Song

Stillwater, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(As I approach the register, the customer in front of me is just stepping away. His daughter, who appears to be about seven or eight years old, starts informing the cashier of the environmental dangers of plastic bags.)

Girl: “…and if one of them gets into the water it will kill a swan.”

Cashier: *trying to humor her* “Really?”

Girl: “Yes, I’ve seen it happen.”

Dad: *realizing his child is not beside him* “Come on! Leave the cashier alone.”

(The cashier rings up my purchase.)

Cashier: “Would you like a bag with that?”

Me: “Yes. Even though it might kill a swan.”

Cashier: *without missing a beat* “She’s seen it happen.”

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Too Bad About Their Friends, The Unicorns

| Beach Haven, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I am browsing around a store that sells hermit crabs and happen to overhear a customer talking to herself.)

Customer: “Hermit crabs! They’re real!”

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Sadly You Have To Listen To His Snake Oil

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I work in the back room of a pet shop where we keep the live pets. We have a large display case at the front entrance with several full and well-lit reptile cages, with a sign in the middle that says “more reptiles are located inside.” A man walks up to the cages, examines the reptiles inside them closely, then looks at the sign for a good minute or two. He then walks into the room, past the other reptile and amphibian cages without even noticing them, and approaches me while I am helping another customer with a snake.)

Customer #1: *standing directly in front of a chameleon cage, and cutting me off mid-sentence* “Where are your reptiles?”

Me: “Um…” *gesturing to the wall of tanks* “Well, we have these here, and three rows of cages at the front entrance.”

Customer #1: “BUT WHAT IS IN THEM?!”

Me: “If you look at the bottom left, each habitat is clearly labeled with its resident. See, this one is a tarantula and this here is a milk snake. In the front are various geckos, and here we have turtles and frogs…”

Customer #1: *clearly ignoring me, staring into a cage* “What is this?!”

Me: *gesturing to large tag on the bottom left* “This is an adult male Jackson Chameleon.”

Customer #1: “Well, how big will it get?”

Me: “He’s already an adult. This is his full size.”

Customer #1: “But I want him to get bigger!”

Me: *at this point I am seriously losing patience, and so is my other customer* “They just don’t.”

Customer #1: “I used to have a snake once. I put him in a tank bigger than all those, but because the tank was so big he got too big and I had to give him his own room.”

(He gestures to row of four 55-gallon tanks, implying the tank was over 200 gallons. Considering he seems to have no common sense, seems to know nothing about reptiles, and no beginner snakes would outgrow that tank, I strongly believe he is lying, but I say nothing,)

Customer #1: “He ended up getting so big he ate my cousin’s Labrador! I warned him not to bring the dog over but he didn’t listen. He thought it would be safe but it wasn’t.”

Customer #2: “What kind of snake was it?”

Customer #1: “A ball python!”

(At this point Customer #2 and I were trying really hard to not laugh, because ball pythons are the most common snake in the reptile trade, and barely reach 5 feet long. They could probably eat a rabbit, but DEFINITELY not a large or even medium size dog. The man was a bad liar, because he didn’t even look upset while telling this story. Just excited. And when he finished the tall tale, he just said he would be back for “that lizard,” meaning the chameleon, and walked away. He thankfully never came back.)

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No Clue At The Zoo, Part 2

| WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am currently shopping in a local feed store for some baby chicks. I like to pick them myself, but I always make sure to have a store employee help me. This day, there are quite a lot of people in the store. I ask an employee for help and we go over to the chicks, where there is a mother and her children around looking at them.)

Employee: “Does anyone here need any chicks?”

Mother: “Nope, we are just looking.”

Employee: “Okay, I am going to have to ask you to move because this lady would like to purchase some chicks.”

Mother: “In a few minutes. My kids are looking at them right now.”

Employee: “Ma’am, please step aside so that this customer may pick out and purchase her chicks. I promise you can look at them again after.”

Mother: “No! My children are having fun! You don’t want to spoil their fun, do you?”

(At this point, the kids are distracted by the bunnies anyways, but their mother stubbornly stands in front of the chick brooder, refusing to move.)

Employee: “Ma’am, your children aren’t even here anymore. This lady would like to purchase some of these chicks. Please move so that she can see into the brooder to pick them.”

Mother: “Well, I never! I have never been treated so badly at a zoo!”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a zoo. It’s a feed store. Now the gentleman has asked you several times to move politely. I won’t be so polite. Move.”

(I gently pushed my way past her and started opening the brooder to get a better look. She stomped off in a huff and complained at the front desk. I am a regular at that store, and when I explained the situation to the manager, she laughed at the woman and told her she supported her employees right to ask her to move.)

Related:
No Clue At The Zoo

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