Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!


Making A Dog’s Dinner Out Of It

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(It was a usual problem, client comes in with an adult dog that has been vomiting and having some diarrhea. I start to go over a few basic questions with him.)

Me: “So, has everything else been normal before this started? Nothing out of the ordinary?”

Client: “That’s right; it just started randomly yesterday.”

Me: “And there’s absolutely nothing he could have gotten into, like chemicals or sweets?”

Client: “Nope, not that I can think of.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of dog food does he eat?”

Client: “Oh, he doesn’t eat dog food.”

Me: “Oh? So you make his meals? Boiled chicken and the like?”

Client: “Not exactly. I feed him what he likes to eat.”

Me: “…and what might that be?”

Client: “Well, yesterday I gave him two blocks of Colby Jack cheese and some leftover chocolate donuts, and the day before he had a few chicken wings and some ice cream.”

Me: “…”

(Needless to say, we did some X-rays to make sure there were no chicken bones, gave the owner a list of things you should not feed your dog, and sent him home with some actual dog food.)


We Are Siamese If You Don’t Please

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m the customer here. I have two long haired twin male cats that look Siamese but aren’t. I adore them and my debit card is a picture of them. I get asked about them a lot. I’m at the checkout buying cat food.)

Cashier: “Oh, they’re beautiful. Are they yours?”

(Someone grunts behind me.)

Me: “Yes, they’re mine. They’re twins!”

Cashier: “Wow! How old—”

Lady Behind Me: “Get real. They aren’t yours. You stole that picture from the Google!”

Me: *turning to face her* “No, I didn’t. Their names are [Names] and they’re mine. I’ve had them since they were five weeks old.”

Lady Behind Me: “That’s impossible. Cats don’t look like that! Quit lying! This girl is lying about her cats!”

(I pull out my phone and start scrolling through my pictures, where there are about 500 pictures of my cats.)

Me: “See? Mine.”

Lady Behind Me: “How much?”

Me: “Excuse me? They aren’t for sale, ma’am. ”

Lady Behind Me: “Everything has a price. How much are they? I’ll give you $1000 each.”

Me: “Lady, you can’t afford them. Nice try. Leave me alone.”

(I turn to pay and get my receipt, and the lady grabs my arm.)


Me: “You. Can’t. Afford. Them. Go. Away!”

Lady Behind Me: “Five grand each!”

(I had enough. All the money in the world couldn’t buy my cats, they’re mine. I turned to the lady.)

Me: “You mean you’ll give me ten thousand dollars for my cats, right now, today?”

Lady Behind Me: *smiling* “Yes, dear. I will. What is your address? I’ll pick them up tonight.”

Me: “It’s 123 Learn What No Means Avenue. Now leave me alone. My cats are hungry.”

Lady Behind Me: “I will follow you! I’ll get those cats!”

Me: “I dare you. The police will be waiting at my house for you. Now, go away.”

(Instead of buying her things, she followed me to the parking lot, screaming to everyone about how I wouldn’t sell her my cats. She followed me home, where an officer was waiting. She got a fine and screamed that I didn’t know what real money is. I told her I had more than enough money. I paid for the cat food with the last twenty dollars I had to my name, but she didn’t need to know that.)


Not Made Of The Right Stuff

| TX, USA | Pets & Animals

(Our store is having a promo: with any Brand purchase you get a free stuffed dog.)

Customer: *very excited* “What does the free dog look like?”

Coworker: “We have different colors.” *brings out four different colors of stuffed dog*

Customer: *looking very disappointed and annoyed* “Oh, they’re fake…”


Rabid Laughter

| Madison, WI, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(Our dentist’s last name sounds exactly like our veterinarian’s first name. There is a slight difference in spelling, but they sound identical: Name and Nayme. I am at work, multi-tasking, when my spouse emails to remind me to make an appointment with Dr. Name, the vet, for our cat’s rabies shot. In the middle of six different tasks with several deadlines looming, I grab the Rolodex, flipped to the “N” section, and dial the number.)

Receptionist: “Dr. Nayme’s office, how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] and I need an appointment to bring Colonel Snuggledorf in for his rabies shot.”

Receptionist: “I am very sorry, but Dr. Nayme doesn’t administer rabies shots. And I do not believe we have a patient by the name of Colonel Snuggledorf.”

(I suspect the poor woman dislocated a rib laughing after she hung up. And my dentist makes a point of telling me every time I visit that he still doesn’t give rabies shots!)


Wants A Cut-Rate

| Nashville, TN, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I have successfully groomed a dog and the owner has picked it up. I am working on another dog when I have this phone call with the customer:)

Customer: “How much did you charge me for this groom?”

Me: *checking the paperwork* “We charged you [amount].”

Customer: “That’s not the price I was quoted! I was quoted [other amount].”

Me: “Well, I’m looking at your paperwork, and the price is circled, and your initials are next to it. Did you initial the price?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why it’s more money than I was quoted!”

Me: “I don’t know what you were quoted, but the paperwork that you signed when you came in clearly states that it’s the amount you were charged. Also, a quote is just a quote. The price could go up or down, especially since your dog is a mixed breed and we charge by AKC standards for breeds.”

Customer: “It just seems like you’re charging me a lot more money here.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no control over pricing. The company I work for prices everything. You signed next to the price; the price was clearly marked for you.”

(At this point, the customer is clearly upset, but she can’t argue with me about this. I’m also really reluctant to apologize for her mistakes. We hang up the phone, but not amicably. My manager has been standing near me and grooming a dog during my half of the phone conversation, and we have a little talk about how important it is to have customers initial next to prices for this reason, and she tells me that I handled myself well. Later on, though, the customer calls back and gets my manager and this happens:)

Customer: “I was in there earlier with my dog, and the groomer cut him!”

Manager: “Oh, no! Well, bring him by, and we’ll have the vet look him over.”

Customer: “I don’t want to bring him to the vet!”

Manager: “Ma’am, if your dog is cut and bleeding—”

Customer: “He’s not bleeding! He’s not cut. No… he’s just… the skin is red. It’s red skin. The groomer did this!”

Manager: “It could be razor burn, but the vet would have to look it over to see what’s going on.”

Customer: “No! I’m not bringing my dog in! You will refund my money!”

Manager: “I’m not going to refund your money without seeing the dog! Also, if your dog is injured, don’t you want help for him?”

Customer: “Look, you have a satisfaction guarantee, and I am not satisfied! You will refund my money!”

Manager: *suddenly remembering this customer from earlier in the day* “You know what? I will refund your money, and if you ever come in here after that, you will only ever be booked with me from now on. You will have to work around my schedule, and if you ever try this again, you will not be welcome back.”

Customer: “Just refund my money!”

(So far, the customer hasn’t come back. I can only assume she figured out what a fool she made herself out to be, but who knows?)

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