Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Some Callers Really Get Your Goat

| Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large insurance company in the car insurance department. We certainly get some oddball callers and queries, but a few really take the cake. This is one of them.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company]; you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll be travelling to France in a few days and just needed to check some things on my policy.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. Could I just take your policy number…” *I confirm the policy and security with the customer* “Okay… I see you currently don’t have European Cover, but you are covered Third Party Only as part of your current plan. Are you looking to increase your cover to fully comprehensive whilst in France?”

Customer: “Yes. I’d also like to get the European Breakdown package as well.”

Me: “That’s great; I can get that set up for you…” *I explain the fee structure*

Customer: “One thing I need to know before I go ahead?”

Me: “Not a problem. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’m picking up my fiancé and we’re coming back here to get married.”

Me: “Congratulations, sir!”

Customer: “Thank you… but you see… I’ll be bringing her goat back to the UK with us. Would that be covered by the policy?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, did you say you’re bringing a goat back with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s the family pet and she won’t go without him.”

Me: *pause for a moment* “I don’t see why that should be a problem, but I’ll need to check with underwriting. Are you okay to hold for a moment?

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I call through to underwriting.)

Underwriter: “Customer Underwriting Team; [Underwriter] speaking. How can I help?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from Customer Services. I have a customer who wants to check if we’ll cover him travelling from France to the UK with a goat in his van.”

Underwriter: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Underwriter: “A goat?!” *laughter is heard in the background from other underwriters*

Me: “Yeah, it’s his fiancé’s goat; she won’t leave France without it.”

Underwriter: *stifling laughter* “I just need to quickly ask my supervisor.”

(During the brief hold, I jump back to the customer and let him know we’re just waiting on Underwriting approval.)

Underwriter: “Okay, his insurance won’t be affected by having the… goat… in the back of his van; however, we won’t cover damage the goat does to his van, or the goat itself in the event of an accident.”

Me: “Thanks, I’ll let the customer know. This is the oddest call you’ve ever had, isn’t it?”

Underwriter: “Myself, yes; not Underwriting as a whole, but you don’t want to know. Thank you for calling Underwriting.”

Me: “Thanks again.”

(I switch back to the customer and relay what Underwriting said. He’s ok and we go ahead with the changes to his policy.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, that’s everything. Thanks again.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. We hope you have a safe journey.”

Dog-Darned Language

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working back in the aquatics department when the phone rings. The cashier is taking a call on another line already, so I answer:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pet Store], where we offer professional grooming and positive dog training services. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “YOU NEED TO CALL THIS MOTHER-F***ING NUMBER AND GET MY DOG’S VACCINATIONS. I KNOW I GOT THEM AT YOUR STORE!”

Me: “Sir, please—”

Caller: “DO IT NOW! I KNOW I GOT THEM AT [Store]! THEY GAVE ME THE F***ING WRONG NUMBER!”

Me: “Sir, please calm down. If you continue to use that kind of language, I will be forced to hang up.”

Caller: “GOOD! JUST F***ING DO IT-”

(I hang up. I tell the story to my employee.)

Me: “Can you believe that? It was bizarre.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I can. He called just a little while ago and screamed at me that his dog got arrested, until I hung up.”

Me: “Wow… I don’t know what to say to that.”

Cashier: “Neither did I.”

Deanerys Is Losing Her Touch

| VA, USA | Pets & Animals

(Back when I volunteered at the aquarium, we had an exhibit with Komodo dragons that I would occasionally be assigned to. On my first time being assigned to that exhibit, this conversation happened.)

Kid: “Are those real dragons?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “MAKE THEM BREATHE FIRE.”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Kid: “Yeah, you can. They’re dragons; that means they can breathe fire.”

Me: “They don’t listen to me.”

Kid: “Oh. You should train them more.”

George And Gracie Take To The Air

| NYC, New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(Our store is in an incredibly affluent neighborhood, which is primarily white, well-educated, and often fairly pompous. We have placed a very beautiful humpback whale sculpture in the window display and many people have stopped in to inquire after it.)

Woman: “HI! I was just wondering what that creature in the window is supposed to be?”

Me: “The humpback whale?”

Woman: “Yes, that. Does it fly?”

Me: “No… it’s a whale.”

Woman: *confused* “Oh.”

Me: “It lives in the ocean like the other whales.”

Woman: “Oh! So it’s supposed to be like a real whale?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a sculpture of a humpback whale, which live in the ocean.”

Woman: “Weird. Thanks!”

(Then she left.)

An A-Moose-ing Interaction

| Gatineau, QC, Canada | Bizarre, Holidays, Pets & Animals

(It is Halloween. My father and I want to get new licenses for the family car he is giving me. My father is wearing a moose costume and the lady at the desk is dressed as a devil. I do not wear a costume.)

Lady: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Father: “Hi, we would like to get new plates for her.”

Lady: “Very well. *to me* “Here are the forms to fill.” *to my father* “Are you a moose or a deer?”

Father: “Wait, let me check…” *he places his hands around his mouth in a cup position* “MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

(The lady, I, and the whole waiting area where people are sitting, have eyes wide open and dropped jaws.)

Father: “Yep, I believe I am a moose!”

Supervisor: *coming over* “[Lady], is everything okay?”

Lady: *cracking up laughing* “I believe a moose sang me a love song.”

Supervisor: “Did you moose-sing back to him?”

Me: *face-palm*

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