Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

But What Does The Fox Say?

| UK | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A family bring their cat in for a check-up, concerned about a puncture wound through her lip. They say the cat was outdoors for longer than usual and then came home with this wound. I examine the cat:)

Me: “I think she might have been hit by a car.”

Owner: “No, she can’t have been. She’s still alive.”

Me: “Well… see her claws here? They’re all scuffed? That’s very common in cats after a road traffic accident.”

Owner: “She has a hole in her lip; I think she was bitten by a fox.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that; she has a lot of other wounds as well, and they don’t really fit with being attacked by a fox.”

Owner: “She has a bite wound in her lip like a fox got hold of her.”

Me: “Yes, she does have a wound in her lip, but see how some of her teeth are also chipped, particularly her canine teeth? Look, the hole looks like it lines up with this top, broken canine tooth. If she had been hit by a car, it might have caused this damage to her teeth.”

Owner: “She can’t have been hit by a car. Our other cat was hit by a car and we found him dead by the side of the road.”

Me: “Well, if the car was going slower it could have hit her without killing her.”

Owner: “Cars don’t drive slowly down our road. If she had been hit by a car she would be dead. It must have been a fox.”

(The owner wouldn’t let me treat the cat until I said the damage was done by a fox.)

They’re Like A Fish Out Of Water

| NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I am in a chain pet store when I overhear a conversation between a middle-aged lady, a young teenage girl and a store employee. The teen is looking at the fish display which is split into warm and cold fish.)

Teen: “Oh, this one is pretty cool!” *points at one of the “cold” fish, before moving over to the warm display* “—and this one, the angel fish!”

Lady: “Um, I think they are a warm and a cold fish… They don’t go well together.”

Teen: “So? I’m sure they will get along.”

Employee: “That’s not the point, ma’am. One lives in warm water and one lives in cold water. They are more likely to get sick and die if they are not correctly taken care of.”

Teen: “So? I’ll just put them together; they will be fine.”

Lady: “This employee just said they will probably die if you put them together. I’m not going to waste money on this.”

Employee: “We do have a 30-day return on fish that die, but I cannot in good conscience sell you these creatures if you aren’t going to take care of them properly.”

Teen: “But you will make money. Why do you care?”

Employee: “Because believe it or not, everyone who works here cares about the animals in our care. Actually, do you have everything set up ready to go or were you just looking today?”

Teen: “Oh, I was just going to put them in a goldfish bowl. They will be fine.”

Employee: *looking strained but trying to keep her cool* “We advise that you have a proper tank set up for a minimum of a month before introducing fish to it. A bowl for a goldfish only works if you clean it daily if it does not have a filter.”

Teen: “You don’t need to clean them! I want fish because you don’t ha—”

Lady: *interrupting her* “I’ve heard enough. You said you had done research on this and that everything was ready. This is why your pets keep dying. I’m going to go buy you a plant instead.” *turns to the employee* “Thank you for your help. Good bye.”

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This Tail Has A Sad Ending

| PA, USA | Pets & Animals

(The first person our customers interact with when entering our store is a cashier. Some cashiers are trained for dealing with the animals we sell and some are not.)

Lady: *to my coworker* “I just bought this hamster two days ago and it’s dead! I called your manager and I want my money back for all of this!” *shows cage, food, etc.*

Coworker: “We can help you with that. You’ll just need to go over there where you see the fish, and talk to one of our pet care associates first. After that we can do the refund at the register.”

Lady: “Why should I go all the way over there? I’ve got the dead thing right here!”

Me: *taking over for my coworker as I am also trained for pet care* “Ma’am, only pet care associates can handle your pet now. We are not allowed to handle it unless we have the training to do so. May I see your receipt?”

Lady: “Fine!”

(I examine the receipt and notice she bought a gerbil, not a hamster. I also note the water bottle has been installed upside down.)

Me: “Ma’am, I see you bought a gerbil. Is that correct?”

Lady: “No, I got a hamster. He’s right here! See?”

Me: “Ah, okay. Well, this is a gerbil; notice the tail? So we can refund you the price for a gerbil and the equipment.”

Lady: “Your manager said you’d refund me for a hamster! That’s what I want!”

Me: “I completely understand your frustration, it can be rather confusing, but you purchased a gerbil. This animal right here has a long tail, which means she is a gerbil.”

Lady: “She?

Me: “Yes, ma’am. All of our animals are female.”

Lady: “Well, now I’m glad he’s dead.”

Me: *losing my patience* “We can process your refund and I’ll take this over to pet care for you. And for future reference, the water bottle is upside down. Your gerbil died from lack of water.”

(I return to my coworker after I’ve handled to poor dead gerbil.)

Coworker: “It’s a hamster. It’s a gerbil. It’s a jamster! I bet it likes skrillex.” *does some crazy techno moves while mimicking dub step music* “What a rare breed!”

Me: “It’s extinct now. Unfortunately Darwinism was not really at play here; it got the wrong species.”

The Butterfly Defect

| UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m answering the phone at a small zoo; mostly, this is people asking for directions or prices, but we get the odd… interesting call.)

Caller: “Hello, there’s a large moth in my garage. Could someone come and get it, please?”

Me: “A moth? We do have a butterfly hall. Do you mean you’re local and you think it’s one of ours that’s escaped?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I live in [Town 20 miles away], and there’s just this big, brightly coloured moth in my garage, and now I can’t go in there! I hate moths!”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we’re not actually an animal rescue, and that really is a bit of a trip. It’s definitely not one of our butterflies that far away.”

Caller: “Can’t you help anyway? I’m freaking out here!”

Me: “Umm, it’s possible if it’s a big, bright species that it may be rare, and one of our staff may be willing to go and catch it for you after work, as he’s a keen photographer with an interest in moths. If you want, I’ll ask him. What colour is it?”

(The line goes silent for a moment.)

Caller: “Beige?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t help. Maybe you can ask a neighbour to let it out?”

Evolution Takes An Un-Egg-Spected Turn

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(My local pet store features animals from a local rescue that are up for adoption. One day I’m in the store when they have two rabbits in the bin who are available. I overhear an employee talking to a distraught woman.)

Employee: “No, those aren’t ‘bunny eggs;’ rabbit poop is round like that. But if they all hatch I promise we will find homes for all the freshly hatched bunnies.”

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