Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

A Temporary Hot Pocket

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I am working at a dollar store. We have a very belligerent couple who are always rude and always bringing their dogs into the store. One day they get a new puppy and the man very obviously tries to hide it in his jacket. We all know about the dog, but wait until they are done paying to say this:)

Me: “Did you know your pocket peed down your front?”

(We haven’t seen them since.)

That Last Customer Was An Odd Fish

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Wild & Unruly

(I get home from work and my fiancé has just finished up his shift, too.)

Me: “Hi! How was your day?”

Fiancé: “Well, the last customer that I spoke with today told me that if I didn’t tell him exactly what he wanted to hear that he would find out where I lived, fly to me, find a fish, and gently slap me with it.”

Me: “Well, we live in Florida, so at least you’d know the fish was fresh!”

Enough Barking Crazy For One Day

| Savannah, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m a supervisor working a closing shift, helping out for another department, since we’re short on people that night, and doing my work at the service desk. My coworker, who is manning the service desk that night, is on the phone with someone, looking slightly perplexed.)

Coworker: *mouths toward me* “Take this! Please!”

(She passes the phone over to me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling your local [Store Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *in a very forced high pitched voice* “Do you have any doghouses.”

(It’s pretty difficult to understand, as they’re clearly disguising their voice to sound like a woman.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say doghouses?”

Customer: “Yes, doghouses.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t carry doghouses. We do have dog cages and dog carriers, though.”

Customer: “Do you think a little boy could fit in them?”

Me: *hangs up* “Nope. Not tonight. I do not have the patience. They asked if a little boy could fit in them. F*** that!”

This Time With Meaning

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I have on a pair of frog earrings. The face and arms of the frog are in the front, and the legs dangle from the back of the ear.)

Customer: “Oh, those earrings are so cute!”

Me: “Thanks, my boyfriend got them for me.”

Customer: “Oh you must love frogs!”

Me: “No… they’re just fun.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, he must love frogs!”

Me: “No, he just thought they were fun.”

Customer: “Well, are you French?”

Me: “Um, well, yeah…”

Customer: “Oh, okay. So that’s why he got them!”

The Purple Flower Eater

| USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

Manager: *answering phone* “[Complex Manager]’s office. This is [Manager].”

Resident: “Someone dug up my flowers! The purple ones! It’s because purple is the gay color. They think I’m gay, and they hate me, so they dug up my flowers!”

Manager: “Slow down, [Resident]. Who dug up your flowers?”

Resident: “People who hate me because they think I’m gay!”

Manager: “O… kay. When did you plant these flowers?”

Resident: “Yesterday. I had that row of white flowers, and I planted the purple ones in between. It went white, purple, white, purple. But they only dug up the purple ones!”

Manager: “Did you do anything special when you planted the purple ones?”

Resident: “Well, yes. I put some fish pieces in the soil because I heard that it was supposed to help the plants grow.”

Manager: “… [Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.”

Resident: “What? No, that can’t be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn’t do that.”

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