Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Evolution Takes An Un-Egg-Spected Turn

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(My local pet store features animals from a local rescue that are up for adoption. One day I’m in the store when they have two rabbits in the bin who are available. I overhear an employee talking to a distraught woman.)

Employee: “No, those aren’t ‘bunny eggs;’ rabbit poop is round like that. But if they all hatch I promise we will find homes for all the freshly hatched bunnies.”

Dog Owner Getting Owned

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I am training new associates on the registers at a well known Pet Store when a lady comes up with her dog.)

Customer: “My dog peed over there.” *points behind her towards the rest of the store*

(As the new associates help ring her items up I search for the cleaning spray and paper towels. When she is done getting her items, I place the paper towels and spray in front of her and say “Thank You” since at that time we had a bit of a line. A few minutes go by and there are just a few customers waiting in line. The lady comes back up.)

Customer: “Are you the manager on duty?”

Me: “No, ma’am, but I can get someone for you.”

Customer: “I have never had to clean up after my dog; what is your policy on customers cleaning up after their dogs?”

Me: *rather dumbfounded* “Ma’am, we have cleaning stations all around the store so customers can clean up after their dogs.”

Customer: “I have never had to do that. Workers always do it.”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “I just wanted to know your policy.” *walks out the door*

(I stood dumbstruck for a few minutes trying to figure out why someone would have a dog and expect others to clean up after it. And what does she do when the dog is not in the store?)

They’re Pure-Bred Ignorant

| TX, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m waiting in the lobby at a vet’s office, and I overhear this conversation between another dog’s owner and the receptionist. Note: Maltipoos are a cross between a maltese and a poodle.)

Owner: “I’ve just brought my dog in for a checkup.”

Receptionist: “Oh, she’s so cute!”

Owner: “Isn’t she? She’s a purebred Maltipoo.”

(The receptionist looks like she wants to correct the owner, but at first she says nothing. The owner keeps bragging about her dog and how she wants to get it registered with the American Kennel Club and show it.)

Receptionist: “Er, ma’am, I don’t think the AKC will allow her to be registered. They only accept pure breeds.”

Owner: “But she IS purebred! A purebred maltipoo.”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, maltipoos are mixed breeds. Maltese and poodle. Malti-poo.”

Owner: “Oh, that’s ridiculous. I can’t believe they’d hire someone who knows so little about dogs! She is a PUREBRED. MALTIPOO.”

(At this point the vet comes out front. The maltipoo’s owner storms up to her.)

Owner: “YOU! Tell your idiot secretary that my maltipoo is not some mutt! She’s a purebred!”

Vet: “Ma’am, a maltipoo is by definition a mixed breed. There is no such thing as a purebred maltipoo. They’re a cross between maltese and poodles.”

(The lady screamed in rage, picked up her dog, and ran out of the office.)

This Situation Will Just Snake Along

| IN, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work in the children’s department on the second floor of our large public library, so I see some interesting things. There are no food and drinks allowed except in the main lobby area. A roughly ten-year-old boy enters the children’s department.)

Boy: “Can I get logged onto a computer? Oh, and this isn’t a drink by the way.” *he’s holding a styrofoam drink cup*

Me: “Yes, there are computers open in the lab. What’s in the cup?”

Boy: “A snake!”

Me: “What? A live snake?”

Boy: “Yep! I found it outside and I’m taking it home but I wanted to come here first. Can he stay in the cup while I’m on the computer?”

(A bit stupefied by the unexpected situation, I agree. I comes to my senses and realize a minute later that this a terrible idea.)

Me: *goes to computer lab* “I’m sorry, we actually don’t allow animals except trained service animals in the library. You need to take the snake outside.”

(The boy reluctantly agrees to do so. Out of curiosity, I watch him from the windows. The library security guard joins me to see what’s going on. The boy has elected to dump the snake out directly in front of the library main doors, which are automatic and still open behind him. It’s November and chilly so of course the snake is going towards heat, resulting in a desperate game of soccer on the boy’s part. There is general relief from the watching crowd when the snake is finally coerced into the bushes. My coworker stops panicking and everyone resumes normal duties. Five minutes later, an adult man walks into the children’s department:)

Man: “Hey, do you have a hole punch?”

Me: “We should, but you have to use it here at the desk. May I ask what you need it for?”

Man: *holding up Pringles can* “I found this snake outside and I put him in this can, but I want to punch some holes in the lid so he can breathe while I’m here. Can I borrow it?”

Coworker: “Why is that snake back in here again?!”

(Please note that he had to walk through the main lobby, past the circulation desk, past the reference desk, upstairs, and around the corner to children’s. The man was denied use of the hole punch, under duress, and the snake was escorted back outside of the library. Such fuss over an average garter snake!)

Reindeer Sneer

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Pets & Animals

(It is Christmas Eve, and I am wearing a headband with reindeer antlers.)

Customer: “What is that on your head?!”

Me: *quite startled* “Um… Reindeer antlers?”

Customer: *scowling* “NO.” *walks away*

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