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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

The Art Of Telepathy

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I do pet portraits for extra money to make it through college. Most of the purchases are mundane, somebody’s cat or dog, but I am eventually approached by a very strange woman carrying a stack of papers.)

Woman: Hello. You’re the one who draws animals, yes?

Me: Found me! So, what do you–?

Woman: Oh, good! Because I have something I want you to do for me.

(She digs through her papers and hands me a printed photo of a taxidermy tree kangaroo. Needless to say, I’m confused.)

Me: Oh? Is this what you–?

Woman: Yes, yes. I went to the Smithsonian and I love that animal. I was wanting to know if you could maybe go out of the way of what you regularly do? I know it’s not a pet, but it’s still an animal…”

(As odd as it sounds, hearing it’s a photo from a trip made it make a little more sense. We discuss pricing and what she wants. She’s adamant that the photo is what she wants, so I work from that, but I keep her updated throughout just to make sure I’m on the right track. When I am finished, I call her to come pick up the piece.)

Woman: “Oh.”

Me: “Something wrong?”

Woman: “Oh. No. Except…”

(She fidgets, then gestures at the finished product.)

Woman: “It’s wrong. The wrong color.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “There’s another color of tree kangaroo. I wanted the other color.”

Me: “You gave me a photo to work from. You said that’s what you wanted.”

Woman: “Yes, well, that was the pose I wanted.”

Me: “You’ve been approving it every stage of the way.”

Woman: “But this is the wrong color of tree kangaroo.”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted a different color?”

Woman: *sighing heavily* I figured it was obvious.”

Me: “I should have just… known?”

Woman: “You’re the artist. I thought you knew those things.”

(She did eventually pay, but informed me that I should learn to ‘sync’ with my clients better, because, as the artist, I should just ‘know’ things. To this day, I still tell all my friends about the tree kangaroo lady who was convinced I should be telepathic.)

The Customers Are The Biggest Pest

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I recently started training for a pest control company setting up free inspections for ants, spiders, rodents, etc. This older gentleman is one of my very first calls.)

Caller: “I think there’s something in my crawl space and I need to know what it is!”

Me: “Okay, I would be happy to get a free technician out to identify what’s down there and give you a solution.”

Caller: “You can’t just tell me what it is?”

Me: “No, sir… We would need to get eyes on it to know what it is.”

Caller: *urgently* “Oh, no, that won’t do at all. I NEED to know what it is!”

Me: “In all honesty, sir, bugs and pests are so varied that no one but a tech would be able to diagnose that.”

Caller: “Can I talk to a tech then?”

Me: “They’re out in the field currently, but they truly would need to see the pest and the conditions in order to hel—”

Caller: “Oh, that just won’t work. I’ll call someone else!” *click*

Trainer: “Who’s he going to call?! Psychic Pest Control?”

The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”