Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!


Some Use Slightly Less Than Others…

| USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(I work in a dolphin education facility and it’s my job to answer any questions that guests have about our animals or about dolphins in general. Since the movie “Lucy” has come into theaters, I have been getting a lot of the following:)

Guest: “Is it true that dolphins use 20% of their brain? Humans only use 10%!”

Me: “That is a common myth, but actually both species use 100% of our brains. They are comprised of different areas for different functions so it’s hard to compare them anyhow.”

Guest: “But they are so much smarter; they must use 20%!”

Me: “While intelligence can be debated, I assure you that all animals use 100% of their brains.”

Guest: “Well, how can you know?”

Me: “If we only used 10 or even 20% of our brains we’d be completely non-responsive… or dead…”

(Because if you heard it in a movie it MUST be true!)


Throw In Some Goat Cheese While You’re At It

, | Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work the night shift at a fast food restaurant making the orders. It is about 2 a.m. and my coworker is taking an order in the drive-thru at the speaker box and I’m listening in.)

Customer: *incoherent rambling with the word “goat” in there somewhere*

Coworker: “Sorry, I can’t understand you; can I take your order at the window?”

Coworker: *to me after taking their order* “They want to know if you can make a salad for their goat.”

Me: *laughing* “I guess I can do that. This is the first time I’ve made an order for a goat.”

(They had a goat in the back seat of their car and gave it the salad. On my way home from work in the morning, I found the goat tied to a power pole. As it turned out, it wasn’t their goat. Luckily, I found its owner and it got home safely.)


Finding Fresh Ways To Complain

| Kristiansand, Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work at the local fish market. We keep live cod in fish tanks so that the customers can get them as fresh as possible.)

Customer: “Hello. That fish in the tank over there. Is that fresh?”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s alive.”

Customer: “I see that, but is it fresh? How long has it been living in there?”

Me: “A few days.”

Customer: “Then it’s not fresh!”



| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

(We are a hotel right on the sea front.)

Guest: “I would like to move rooms, please.”

Colleague: “Is there anything I can help with?”

Guest: “I would like to move down the hotel as the seagulls are keeping me awake.”

Colleague: “I’m really sorry; we don’t have any available rooms. We are by the sea; there are going to be seagulls everywhere.”

Guest: “Oh. Is there anything that you can do to make them quiet though the night?”


A Pet Is For Life, Not Four Minutes

| MI, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular, Time

(An older man and his daughter come into the animal shelter. His daughter is wearing slippers in public.)

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “Yeah, I want a kitten.”

Me: “Okay, well we only have one really young kitten right now. She is about four months old an—”

Man: *interrupts me* “Yeah, I’ll take that one.”

Me: “Well, you have to spend some time with her and make sure that she has the personality you’re looking for.”

(We take the kitten into the adoption room so he can spend time with her and so I can further counsel the adoption. The man spends about four minutes with the kitten and comes back out holding her. I go up and take the kitten.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Man: “Yeah, I want that kitten.”

Me: “Well, I need you to spend at least fifteen minutes with her. The time you spent with her isn’t enough to get to know her, and I’ll have to ask some questions.”

Man: *getting annoyed* “I just want this kitten.”

Me: “You have to spend more time with her so we can make sure she is going to the right home.”

Man: “I’m a good pet owner! I just want the kitten!”

Me: “I’m not saying you aren’t. You just have to spend more time with her.”

Man: “Well, I have stuff to do! I can’t spend all day here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are required to spend more time with her if you want to adopt from us.”

(The man stares at me blankly for a minute, throws his arms up and starts to walk out. At this point his daughter chimes in.)

Daughter: “You people are ridiculous!”

(She promptly followed her dad out and left.)

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