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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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Sea-Gullible

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

(We are a hotel right on the sea front.)

Guest: “I would like to move rooms, please.”

Colleague: “Is there anything I can help with?”

Guest: “I would like to move down the hotel as the seagulls are keeping me awake.”

Colleague: “I’m really sorry; we don’t have any available rooms. We are by the sea; there are going to be seagulls everywhere.”

Guest: “Oh. Is there anything that you can do to make them quiet though the night?”

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A Pet Is For Life, Not Four Minutes

| MI, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular, Time

(An older man and his daughter come into the animal shelter. His daughter is wearing slippers in public.)

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “Yeah, I want a kitten.”

Me: “Okay, well we only have one really young kitten right now. She is about four months old an—”

Man: *interrupts me* “Yeah, I’ll take that one.”

Me: “Well, you have to spend some time with her and make sure that she has the personality you’re looking for.”

(We take the kitten into the adoption room so he can spend time with her and so I can further counsel the adoption. The man spends about four minutes with the kitten and comes back out holding her. I go up and take the kitten.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Man: “Yeah, I want that kitten.”

Me: “Well, I need you to spend at least fifteen minutes with her. The time you spent with her isn’t enough to get to know her, and I’ll have to ask some questions.”

Man: *getting annoyed* “I just want this kitten.”

Me: “You have to spend more time with her so we can make sure she is going to the right home.”

Man: “I’m a good pet owner! I just want the kitten!”

Me: “I’m not saying you aren’t. You just have to spend more time with her.”

Man: “Well, I have stuff to do! I can’t spend all day here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are required to spend more time with her if you want to adopt from us.”

(The man stares at me blankly for a minute, throws his arms up and starts to walk out. At this point his daughter chimes in.)

Daughter: “You people are ridiculous!”

(She promptly followed her dad out and left.)

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Clucked Out Early

| Omaha, NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(It’s just before Thanksgiving and I’m walking past the meat department when I overhear this exchange…)

Customer: “So, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Meat Clerk: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Meat Clerk: “Because they’re dead, ma’am.”

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Don’t Play Cat And Mouse With The Snake

| USA | Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work in a pet store that does not sell live mice for food, only as pets. There’s plenty of other pet stores around us that do sell feeder mice that we send people to if they need feeder mice. We’re strict about this but customers regularly will lie to try and get mice anyway. A customer who’s tried buying our mice for snake food before comes in, this time with a young daughter.)

Customer: “Where are your mice? I wanna buy one for my little girl.”

Me: “I’ll show you them, but this is actually for a pet, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s a pet. That’s what you want, right, honey?”

(The customer’s daughter nods. I start to explain their care while I open up the cage so the daughter can hold them and pick out a mouse.)

Me: “Make sure you wash your hands after holding them. We just treated for fleas.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, because our area has a big flea problem all our furry animals get flea medication put on them. It’s safe, but you don’t really want it in your mouth.”

Customer: “So, uh… it’s like poison?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s safe.”

Customer: “I don’t want poison in the tank… How long does it take to wear off?”

Me: “Well, we just treated them a few days ago so about a month. I’m sorry, tank?”

Customer: “Yeah, so, I’m just gonna go somewhere else. I can’t believe you’re trying to kill my snake!”

Me: “We’ve told you before we don’t sell them for snake food. You said it was a pet.”

Customer: “Yeah, because if I told you it was for a snake you wouldn’t sell it!”

Me: “Part of why we wouldn’t sell it is because it would kill your snake.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you shouldn’t put poison on them?”

Me: “It’s not a problem when they aren’t being used for snake food.”

Customer: “But what about if people buy them for snake food?”

Me: “Then it’s their fault for lying to us.”

Customer: “But otherwise you won’t sell the d*** mouse!”

(He stormed out with his daughter.)

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Take A 48-Hour Chill Pill

| IL, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work at a very busy animal hospital’s oncology department. A client calls after having taken a lot of the doctor’s time that morning and making us run behind. I take the call, so the doctor can continue working on paperwork for her current patient.)

Customer: “Yeah, you guys didn’t give me enough d*** pills!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. We have a newer person that filled your prescription, but I did double check her. How many pills did we send you with?”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be two weeks’ worth, but you only gave me eight pills!”

Me: *realizing where the confusion lies* “Oh! Actually, that’s right; you got eight pills because the medication is given every other day. We need to see [Dog] in two weeks, so you’ll only be giving seven doses. I wanted to make sure that you had an extra dose, just in case, so that’s why we filled eight pills.”

Client: “But it’s supposed to be for two weeks. Why are there only eight pills?”

Me: “Because in those two weeks, you’re only giving seven doses. It’s an every other day medication.”

Client: “I get that it’s every other day, but why did you only give me eight pills?”

Me: *trying a different tactic* “Every 48 hours you’ll give [Dog] a pill. This means that, when we see you and (Dog) in two weeks’ time, you’ll have given seven pills. The pill can make some dogs feel ill, so we want to make sure he tolerates it, because you’re not allowed to return medication. That’s why we send two weeks’ worth the first time we send it home.”

Client: “Then why are there eight pills?”

Me: “The eighth pill is just in case something happens to one of the pills. For example, should [Dog] chew on one, or if he spits it out, or you should drop it down the sink. All those things have happened before to people. ”

Client: “I know why there’s an extra pill! But you said you wanted to see [Dog] in TWO WEEKS. Why did you only give me seven pills?”

Me: “Because you’ll be giving seven doses in those two weeks.”

Client: “But [Doctor] said you’ll give me two weeks’ worth, fourteen days! But there’s only seven plus the extra one!”

Me: “If we sent home fourteen pills, then that would almost be enough for a month worth of medication-”

Client: “I KNOW WHY THERE’S NOT FOURTEEN PILLS! You said you you’re giving me two weeks’ worth and—”

Me: *finally feeling the last part of my brain melt, I calmly unleash a stream of reasons, hoping one will make sense to her* “Because it’s an every other day medication. In those two weeks, you’ll only be giving seven pills. We don’t want to send more in case (Dog) gets sick from it. There’s two weeks’ worth of pills filled since you’re doing it every other day. Every 48 hours. Seven total doses.”

Client: “But you said—” *huff of breath, phone clattering, and then a click*

(I’m dumbfounded, so I look at the phone for a moment, then silently hang up the phone.)

Doctor: *shocked* “Did she just hang up on you?”

Me: *head in my hands* “Yes.”

Doctor: *picks up the phone, starts dialing client’s number*

(I had to go check in another patient so I didn’t hear the call, but the doctor told me later that the client had finally realized what I’d been telling her, and it made sense. She felt stupid and just hung up, to stop wasting my time…)

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