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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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Sea-Gullible

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

(We are a hotel right on the sea front.)

Guest: “I would like to move rooms, please.”

Colleague: “Is there anything I can help with?”

Guest: “I would like to move down the hotel as the seagulls are keeping me awake.”

Colleague: “I’m really sorry; we don’t have any available rooms. We are by the sea; there are going to be seagulls everywhere.”

Guest: “Oh. Is there anything that you can do to make them quiet though the night?”

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A Pet Is For Life, Not Four Minutes

| MI, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular, Time

(An older man and his daughter come into the animal shelter. His daughter is wearing slippers in public.)

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “Yeah, I want a kitten.”

Me: “Okay, well we only have one really young kitten right now. She is about four months old an—”

Man: *interrupts me* “Yeah, I’ll take that one.”

Me: “Well, you have to spend some time with her and make sure that she has the personality you’re looking for.”

(We take the kitten into the adoption room so he can spend time with her and so I can further counsel the adoption. The man spends about four minutes with the kitten and comes back out holding her. I go up and take the kitten.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Man: “Yeah, I want that kitten.”

Me: “Well, I need you to spend at least fifteen minutes with her. The time you spent with her isn’t enough to get to know her, and I’ll have to ask some questions.”

Man: *getting annoyed* “I just want this kitten.”

Me: “You have to spend more time with her so we can make sure she is going to the right home.”

Man: “I’m a good pet owner! I just want the kitten!”

Me: “I’m not saying you aren’t. You just have to spend more time with her.”

Man: “Well, I have stuff to do! I can’t spend all day here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are required to spend more time with her if you want to adopt from us.”

(The man stares at me blankly for a minute, throws his arms up and starts to walk out. At this point his daughter chimes in.)

Daughter: “You people are ridiculous!”

(She promptly followed her dad out and left.)

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Clucked Out Early

| Omaha, NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(It’s just before Thanksgiving and I’m walking past the meat department when I overhear this exchange…)

Customer: “So, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Meat Clerk: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Meat Clerk: “Because they’re dead, ma’am.”