icon_petsanimals

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

icon_petsanimals

Something Fishy About That Complaint

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals

I work at a major chain pet store as customer service and a pet care specialist. I love animals and enjoy helping customers get set up with new pets, and I have several customers who come in and specifically ask for me. Unfortunately, a big part of the job is handling returns of pets who are deceased. My job is to replace the pet and advise them on anything that they could do to ensure success in keeping the pet.

In our store, customers fill out satisfaction surveys online that have an optional comment field. The managers post the comments each week. One day, I get called in to the manager’s office. She sternly tells me that there was a serious complaint about me in the surveys. She reads it to me and I turn redder and redder as she reads the long description of how a customer came in to return a bunch of fish that had died and I did not express sympathy for her loss. “Her cold, uncaring attitude and clear disregard for my emotional well-being and satisfaction as a customer make me feel too upset and traumatized to return to your store. I hope that you discipline her and perhaps terminate her as she doesn’t exemplify the love of animals that your store claims to represent.”

I was crying by this point. By the list of fish that the customer had described, I remembered the customers and that the interaction with them hadn’t been unusual at all. I had even said I was sorry to hear that their fish died and I spent 20 minutes with them trying to help them sort out why. They had even thanked me.

Despite my great record and all the compliments about me from other customers, my manager penalized me for the complaint, suggesting that I might consider finding another job if I didn’t care for animals. (She knew that I had everything from fish to reptiles to cats myself, so that was BS.) I had my hours cut and had to go through extra training.

Two months later, my manager came to me and apologized, saying that a customer had come in saying that they felt bad because they put in a joke complaint about an employee and were worried that she had gotten fired. Guess who? The reason they gave my manager: “We were drunk or high or something, and were just upset about the fish. Anyway, we’re sorry. She was actually really nice to us.”

icon_petsanimals

Some Callers Really Get Your Goat

| Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large insurance company in the car insurance department. We certainly get some oddball callers and queries, but a few really take the cake. This is one of them.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company]; you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll be travelling to France in a few days and just needed to check some things on my policy.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. Could I just take your policy number…” *I confirm the policy and security with the customer* “Okay… I see you currently don’t have European Cover, but you are covered Third Party Only as part of your current plan. Are you looking to increase your cover to fully comprehensive whilst in France?”

Customer: “Yes. I’d also like to get the European Breakdown package as well.”

Me: “That’s great; I can get that set up for you…” *I explain the fee structure*

Customer: “One thing I need to know before I go ahead?”

Me: “Not a problem. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’m picking up my fiancé and we’re coming back here to get married.”

Me: “Congratulations, sir!”

Customer: “Thank you… but you see… I’ll be bringing her goat back to the UK with us. Would that be covered by the policy?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, did you say you’re bringing a goat back with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s the family pet and she won’t go without him.”

Me: *pause for a moment* “I don’t see why that should be a problem, but I’ll need to check with underwriting. Are you okay to hold for a moment?

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I call through to underwriting.)

Underwriter: “Customer Underwriting Team; [Underwriter] speaking. How can I help?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from Customer Services. I have a customer who wants to check if we’ll cover him travelling from France to the UK with a goat in his van.”

Underwriter: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Underwriter: “A goat?!” *laughter is heard in the background from other underwriters*

Me: “Yeah, it’s his fiancé’s goat; she won’t leave France without it.”

Underwriter: *stifling laughter* “I just need to quickly ask my supervisor.”

(During the brief hold, I jump back to the customer and let him know we’re just waiting on Underwriting approval.)

Underwriter: “Okay, his insurance won’t be affected by having the… goat… in the back of his van; however, we won’t cover damage the goat does to his van, or the goat itself in the event of an accident.”

Me: “Thanks, I’ll let the customer know. This is the oddest call you’ve ever had, isn’t it?”

Underwriter: “Myself, yes; not Underwriting as a whole, but you don’t want to know. Thank you for calling Underwriting.”

Me: “Thanks again.”

(I switch back to the customer and relay what Underwriting said. He’s ok and we go ahead with the changes to his policy.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, that’s everything. Thanks again.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. We hope you have a safe journey.”

Dog-Darned Language

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working back in the aquatics department when the phone rings. The cashier is taking a call on another line already, so I answer:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pet Store], where we offer professional grooming and positive dog training services. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “YOU NEED TO CALL THIS MOTHER-F***ING NUMBER AND GET MY DOG’S VACCINATIONS. I KNOW I GOT THEM AT YOUR STORE!”

Me: “Sir, please—”

Caller: “DO IT NOW! I KNOW I GOT THEM AT [Store]! THEY GAVE ME THE F***ING WRONG NUMBER!”

Me: “Sir, please calm down. If you continue to use that kind of language, I will be forced to hang up.”

Caller: “GOOD! JUST F***ING DO IT-”

(I hang up. I tell the story to my employee.)

Me: “Can you believe that? It was bizarre.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I can. He called just a little while ago and screamed at me that his dog got arrested, until I hung up.”

Me: “Wow… I don’t know what to say to that.”

Cashier: “Neither did I.”

icon_petsanimals

Deanerys Is Losing Her Touch

| VA, USA | Pets & Animals

(Back when I volunteered at the aquarium, we had an exhibit with Komodo dragons that I would occasionally be assigned to. On my first time being assigned to that exhibit, this conversation happened.)

Kid: “Are those real dragons?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “MAKE THEM BREATHE FIRE.”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Kid: “Yeah, you can. They’re dragons; that means they can breathe fire.”

Me: “They don’t listen to me.”

Kid: “Oh. You should train them more.”

icon_petsanimals

George And Gracie Take To The Air

| NYC, New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(Our store is in an incredibly affluent neighborhood, which is primarily white, well-educated, and often fairly pompous. We have placed a very beautiful humpback whale sculpture in the window display and many people have stopped in to inquire after it.)

Woman: “HI! I was just wondering what that creature in the window is supposed to be?”

Me: “The humpback whale?”

Woman: “Yes, that. Does it fly?”

Me: “No… it’s a whale.”

Woman: *confused* “Oh.”

Me: “It lives in the ocean like the other whales.”

Woman: “Oh! So it’s supposed to be like a real whale?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a sculpture of a humpback whale, which live in the ocean.”

Woman: “Weird. Thanks!”

(Then she left.)

Page 2/9312345...Last