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Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

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It’s A Crappy Color Anyway

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(A woman approaches me in the pets department and asks to see all of our litter boxes. I oblige her.)

Customer: “No, no, these are all pink. I need a BLUE litter box.”

Customer’s Husband: “Honey…”

Customer: “He’s a BOY CAT. He can’t have a PINK litter box!”

Customer’s Husband: “He’s literally going to CRAP in it!”

(They began to argue so I just walked away.)

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Their Weirdness Is A Whole Different Animal

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a small supermarket. We have miniature carts for children to use. Around midnight, two well dressed men in suits enter the store. They grab a child cart and place a large object in it. They hunch over to push the cart and as they pass by my check stand I realize it is a taxidermied animal that looks like a cross between a wolverine and an armadillo.)

Coworker: *under his breath* “What the h***?”

(The men continue around the store as normal and eventually come through my line. I’m still in shock from their entrance.)

Me: “Uh… good evening, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Indeed I did my friend! Indeed I did.”

(I ring up the two men’s items: four water bottles, three packages of hot dogs, two cans of whipped cream, and a pack of gum.)

Me: *still bewildered, and having trouble taking my eyes off of the bizarre animal in the tiny cart* “Will that be all tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, sir!”

Me: “Well, uh… have a nice evening?”

Customer: “You as well, sir!”

(The two customers leave, grabbing their items and their weird dead pet on the way. I turn to my coworker:)

Me: “What in the actual f*** just happened?”

(At this point another bewildered customer approaches my check stand.)

Customer #2: “So you saw them too? Thank god. I thought I was losing it.”

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A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”