Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Milking Young Minds

| Germany | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Technology

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Local Kindergarten] regarding your products.”

(I’m surprised but think she might want to know something for educational reasons since I can’t think of any possible way our products could be used in a kindergarten.)

Me: “Sure, go on! I’m happy to help you with your questions or put you through to somebody who can.”

Caller: “We’re soon hosting a carnival and I just wanted to make sure: Are your products safe to use on small children?”

Me: “Wait… WHAT?!”

Caller: “Aren’t you [Makeup Company]?”

Me: “No… we’re a manufacturer for mechanical milkers… for cows.”

Caller: “Oh… Oh, dear! I already thought your company name sounded weird. I’m very sorry. Please don’t tell anybody about this…”

(Turned out said makeup company had the same number as we did, only with a different area code. However, “But can we safely use that product on small children?” still is a running gag in our technical department.)

Has Got You Bleat

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(While I’m processing a deposit:)

Me: “So, how’s your morning going so far?”

Customer: *cheerfully matter-of-fact* “Oh, good. No dead babies this morning!”

Me: “I… don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: “I was helping give birth to goat babies at five am this morning.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: *after he leaves* “Why would you say that?!”

Serving Spider-man

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working concession when a customer runs up to me, freaking out.)

Customer #1: “There’s a tarantula!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Customer #1: “A freaking tarantula just ran across my foot!”

(I have never once in my 30 years of life seen a tarantula just running around anywhere I’ve been locally. I go over to look, and lo and behold… there’s the biggest freaking tarantula I’ve ever seen on the floor over by the front doors. Thing looks like it could eat a rat in two bites and still be hungry. I call a manager who tries to get it out safely, but sadly he’s forced to kill it because it became aggressive. The customer who reported it to us talks to us for a few minutes and jokes around about the whole matter, as they have never seen a tarantula in the area either. A few minutes later, a man comes out of a theater and starts looking around the area where the tarantula was… With a confused look on his face, he comes up to the box office.)

Customer #2: “Did you see a tarantula here?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Customer #2: “Oh, did he get out?”

Me: “Wait, you knew there was a tarantula on the floor?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.”

Me: “And you didn’t tell anyone?”

Customer #2: “Well, I brought him in.”

(I can’t even think of how to respond.)

Customer #2: “Oh, I just got in from out of state. I found him in my car. I brought him in and set him on the floor. I figured, the way people spill food everywhere, he’d have plenty to eat here. Where is he?”

Me: “They killed it because he tried attacking a manager. Dude… are you serious? You set a live tarantula loose in the theater?”

Customer #2: “Yeah. I’d like to speak to a manager. I can’t believe you’d kill such a beautiful creature.”

(I send him over to the manager’s desk, in complete shock over what I’m hearing. A few minutes later, I hear the most insane thing I’ve ever heard being shouted by my manager.)

Manager: “Are you seriously asking me for a refund because we killed a tarantula YOU set loose in the theater? No! Get out, now!”

(I swear to god… I’m genuinely sorry that I’m not making one word of this up.)

Was Looking For A Dog-Gone Reason To Complain

| Loveland, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I am a cashier at a well-known buffet chain. A customer comes in and starts walking up the side of the front with no cashier.)

Customer: “This side is free.”

Me: “No, but I will gladly ring you up over here.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I am actually here to start a job.”

(The customer is in no way dressed to be one of our employees but I go to get a manager anyway when he stops me.)

Customer: “No, I’m not really. Three, please.”

(From there things go normally. I ring him and his friends on one of his friend’s cards. They go on their way in. Not long after that another family comes in with a service dog. I ring them through and so after, the original customer comes up to me)

Customer: “Excuse me; I have a question for you.”

Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you guys allow dogs in here?”

(Knowing what dog he is talking about I give him a reply.)

Me: “Service dogs, yes.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***. I want my money back.”

(Not wanting to argue, I proceed to call a manager to the front. The one who comes is our general manager, an ex-army man. I explain the situation to him and he goes to talk to the guy)

Customer: “This is f****** bull-s***! How can you allow dogs to be in a place where people eat?”

Manager: “Sir, first of all watch your language; there are kids here. And second, we have to allow service dogs in here; it is the law.”

Customer: “It’s bull-s***! What if the dog’s hair gets in the food?!”

Manager: “What if human hair gets in the food? Should I ban all humans?”

Customer: “Okay, well, what if I walk around barefoot?”

Manager: “You can’t. it’s not allowed.”

Customer: “But a dog can?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Customer: “So a dog has more rights than I do?”

Manager: “Yes, he does.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

(The customer then goes back to his table but the manager has had enough, especially with the swearing, and goes and tells the guy he needs to leave, now. It is decided since he hasn’t been here very long we would at least refund him his meal. When refunding meals back onto a card most of the time the same card required to be swiped again to put the money back. Luckily, since it was still so soon after he ate, it just reversed the charge.)

Customer: “Where’s my money?”

Me: “It is back on the card it was rung on, sir.”

Customer: “But where is my money?!”

Manager: “Sir, it is back on your friend’s card. You are not getting cash back.”

(The customer then started to leave but not without telling everyone he passed that there was a dog in the building. Everyone in line either looked confused or just didn’t care.)

You Did A Great (Dane) Service Today

| Long Island, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am the receptionist at a busy veterinarian’s office. I answer a call from a gentleman who was trying to make an appointment:)

Pet Owner: “I’d like to make an appointment for the vet to see my three dogs.”

Me: “I have an opening two weeks from today.”

Pet Owner: “Gee, I was hoping for something much sooner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but seeing three dogs takes a longer amount of time, and I don’t see a block of time to accommodate you until then. What seems to be the problem?”

Pet Owner: “My dogs have diarrhea. All three of them.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; that must be difficult for you.”

Pet Owner: “It sure is. My dogs are Great Danes.”

Me: “…bring them in at 6:00 pm today. We’ll stay open.”

(Great Danes are the world’s tallest dogs, with males reaching heights of nearly three feet. (Scooby Doo of the cartoon is a Great Dane.) I knew by giving that poor man an appointment that day I probably saved an entire forest of trees that would have been made into paper towels. The dogs recovered quickly.)

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