Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Like Talking To A Parrot

| NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(It is a slow day, and there are two people working. I am at the cash register and the owner is checking on all of the animals. A teenage girl walks in, looking confused.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I want a parrot.”

Me: “Of course. Do you know what kind of parrot you would like?”

Customer: “One of the fancy ones that can talk.”

Me: “We have several that can talk; if you could perhaps describe it more I might be able to help you find it.”

Customer: “Uh, I dunno; I’ll know it when I see it.”

Me: “These are all of our parrots in these cages.”

Customer: *continues looking, and turns around* “Oh! This is the one!”

Me: “That is an African Gray Parrot—”

Customer: *to the parrot* “Hi! You’re coming home with me!” *looks at price, then to me* “Oh dear, this is very expensive. Can I get a discount?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, this one has already been paid for and is on reserve for customers who are coming later.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s already been paid for?”

Me: “Yes, it has. This bird is theirs; we’re just holding it for them.”

Customer: “But, can’t I just take it?”

Me: “I apologize but we can’t just give away somebody else’s bird.”

Customer: “But it’s paid for; I should get it!”

(This continues for a couple of minutes until…)

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager!”

(I go and get the owner and tell her the problem.)

Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Hey! I said a manager! You’re an owner!”

Owner: “I am in fact a higher ranking than a manager and can help you with anything that a manager could help you with.”

Customer: “No! I was told to speak to a MANAGER if I had any problems, and you aren’t a MANAGER!”

(After a couple minutes of back and forth about managers and owner, the owner gives up and goes into the back room. She comes out with a note taped on to her name badge that says “Manager.”)

Owner: “Hi, I’m the manager. What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “Finally! A manager! Anyway, your stupid employee won’t give me this bird. It’s free!”

Owner: “Well, that is because that this bird belongs to somebody else. We are simply watching it until they can come and get it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay then!” *walks out, completely satisfied*

Me: “…”

Owner: “…”

There Is Mushroom For Improvement

| USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(A client left a message on the answering machine that her dog needed his ‘portabello.’ I call her back.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] calling from [Vet]. We got your message about setting an appointment for [Dog].”

Client: “Yes, he needs his portabello for the kennel.”

Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* “Yes, he is due for his bordetella, as well as the rest of his vaccines. When were you looking to make the appointment?”

Client: “No, the kennel said he needed his portabello!”

Me: “The vaccine is actually called bordetella, ma’am. Portabello are a type of mushroom.”

Client: “Well, the kennel said portabello…” *grumbles*

(We set the appointment, and the minute we hung up, I nearly died laughing.)

Should Have Listened To The Top-Dog

| UK | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(We, like almost every retail store here, operate a strict no dogs except guide dogs policy. It is not because we dislike dogs, but because we want to avoid anyone having an accident. Until now, I didn’t realise this was a difficult concept. Unfortunately, being at the time a spotty teenager who happens to also be the weekend manager, people don’t seem to listen. A customer walks in with a ‘designer’ dog, followed by designer boyfriend.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t allow dogs in the store.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s for everyone’s safety. Our insurance wouldn’t cover it if anyone were to have an accident.”

Customer: “What do you mean ‘accident’?”

Me: “Well, if the dog was to bite someone, for example.”

Customer: *now irate* “What?! My [insert stupid dog name here] would never bite anyone! I’ll just carry her.”

Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t exempt you from the rules. I can’t allow the dog in the store.”

Customer: *now raging* “This is ridiculous! She’s never any trouble anywhere else. What do you think could happen?! Get me the manager.”

Me: “Actually, I am the weekend manager, but if you’d like to come back during the week you can speak to the general manager.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Ah, forget this. Let’s just go. This guy thinks he’s in charge!”

(The couple left, dog in hands, furious that someone asked them to follow the rules. The next week, when, apparently, the couple returned with the dog, and no one thought to get the dog out of the store… the cashier ended up going to A&E, requiring stitches and a tetanus shot, after being bitten on the hand. I was praised by the general manager for standing my ground, and everyone was much quicker to tell customers with dogs that they would have to leave them outside.)

Your Knowledge Has Run A’foal

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am volunteering at a horse rescue and on the day of the open house fundraiser. I am stationed in front of a few stables to talk about the individual horses and make sure guests aren’t behaving too aggressively with the animals.)

Me: “This is DJ. He’s 15 years old and was rescued from an abandoned farm when he was just a foal. He’s been livi—”

Guest #1: *interrupting* “What? He was a different animal when you found him?”

Me: “No, ma’am, a foal is a baby horse.”

Guest #1: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know a baby horse is a pony. A foal sure ain’t a pony.”

Me: “Well, actually, ponies are just a small breed of horse; the actual name of a baby horse is a foal.”

(The guest looks down at her daughter and tells her, very clearly, that I don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Child: “My mommy says you’re stupid.”

Me: “I’m very sorry she feels that way.” *addressing the crowd as a whole again* “Anyway, DJ was brought here as a foal—”

Guest #2: *interrupting* “Wait, didn’t we just determine that foals aren’t real?”

Me: “Again, foals are very real. Ponies are as well. Ponies are a breed of horse; foals are baby horses. A baby pony is a foal.”

Guest #1: “Gee, I don’t know what this place is paying you, but they should save their money for someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a volunteer.”

Guest #1: “Oh, so that’s why you don’t know. You’re just here for the cake.”

(Guest #1 and her daughter walk away, leaving me slightly dumbfounded. About 20 minutes later, my barn manager walks over to me.)

Manager: “I received a complaint you were spreading false information.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I was unaware that foals don’t exist and ponies are actually just baby horses.”

Manager: “There’s a reason you’re the volunteer and she’s not. You can take your break now. Go and get yourself a slice of cake.”

Too Tight For An Extra Night

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Time

(I run a dog-walking and pet care business and as part of this, offer a live-in pet sit service where I stay in customer’s houses whilst they’re away. One of my regular dog walking customers is texting me asking about the live-in service.)

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. Are you available to pet sit from the 7th-11th November and how much would that be, please?”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m fine to do those dates for you. Pet sits are £30 per day or part of, so it’ll be £150 in total for the five days. The price includes one walk a day but if you’d like any extra walks I’m happy to do these and they’re charged at the normal daily rate.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine, thanks. Can you arrive about 9 am on the Monday and leave at 5 pm on the Saturday, please? I’ll transfer the £150 to you tonight.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. Could you just confirm the dates for me, as in your first text you asked me to do the 7th-11th but in your last text you asked me to stay until the Saturday which is the 12th. I’m fine to stay until the 12th if you need me to but it’ll count as another day so the cost will be £180 in total.”

Customer: “No, we want you to do the Monday to Friday, including the Friday night. So the 7th-11th, which you said was £150.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. If you want me to stay the Friday night as well, then this counts as me staying on the Saturday, which is an extra day, so it will be £180. Pet-sits are charged per day or part of so this would be six days in total.”

Customer: “I just want you to stay until the Friday but do Friday night as well. How is that an extra day?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer]. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make it. If a customer asks me to stay until a certain day then that is the day I would expect to leave the pet sit so if you ask me to do until Friday then that is the day I’d be leaving. If you want me to do Friday night as well then you’re asking me to stay Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at your house, which is six days in total. Six days at £30 a day comes to a total of £180.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why that counts as six days. And he’d only get one walk? He normally gets walked three times a day so it seems very unfair on him!”

Me: “As I said in my earlier text I’m more than happy to do extra walks for you but these would be charged at the normal daily rates which would depend on how long a walk you’d like.”

Customer: “That just seems extortionate. I guess he’ll just have to make do with one walk a day that week I guess. I might find out how much [Company #1] or [Company #2] charges for live in jobs then, as I still don’t understand why you’re charging me for six days when I only want you to stay until the Friday.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m sorry if my prices seem unfair but that’s how much it’ll be. I know that [Company #1] charges £35 per day or part of so would be £210 for the six days. [Company #2] charges per night rather than per day but they charge £40 per night so it would be £200 for the five nights. Both companies also only include one walk per day in their prices. If you prefer to have more walks, then [Company #3] offers an unlimited pet sit service where they won’t leave your dog alone at all for the duration of the pet sit and will walk your dog as much as you like. However, they charge £100 per day so they would charge £600 for the six days. It’s your choice, though, so let me know if you’d like me to book you in or not.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous. Don’t worry about the pet sit, then; we’ll cancel the holiday. Just do the normal walks for [Dog] that week, please.”

(I later found out that they had to pay cancellation fees as they’d already booked the flights and hotel for that week before contacting me. They also still paid me to go in and walk their dog every day the week they should have been away which cost them £50 as normal. All this to avoid paying an extra £30 for one more night’s pet sit!)

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