Cards Against Humanity

(I’m serving customers. We’re currently understaffed due to a miscommunication between managers, so I’m trying to be fast and keep the line down until the next staff member arrives. An older lady comes through my register and asks to pay by card, and I just know there’s going to be a problem.)

Customer #1: “It’s a new card; is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

Customer #1: *takes out a card and places it on the register* “I don’t know how to use it. You do it.”

(We’re not technically supposed to use the customer’s card on their behalf; however, it’s usually easier and more time-efficient to do so. We’ve been informed that the district manager will be visiting the store any minute now so I’m being very cautious of my behavior.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t do it for you, but I’ll help you. First, insert your card at the bottom, chip side in.” *[Customer #1] inserts the card incorrectly* “No, sorry, the other way.” *she corrects the card* “Okay, now select the account, type in your PIN, and press the green enter button.”

(She does all this, but she must input the wrong PIN number as the machine asks for her PIN again. Instead, she removes the card, which automatically cancels the transaction.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, because you’ve removed the card, the payment failed. Would you like to try again?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, I don’t how to use this card!”

(By this time, a line has built up, so I radio desperately to my coworkers to help, including one whose shift hasn’t technically started yet. [Customer #2], who turns out to be [Customer #1]’s son, approaches my register.)

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me help. Why don’t you just use tap-and-go?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no. It’s a new card; I don’t know how to use it.” *to me* “What if I try my other card? I know how to use that one.”

Me: “Yeah, no worries.”

Customer #1: *swaps the first card for the second card* “Now, I don’t how to use this card.”

Me: *mentally face-palming* “Oh. Did you want to pay cash, then?”

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me just pay for it. You can give me the money later!”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, dear. I’ll just pay cash. It’s a new card, you see. I don’t know how to use it, you see.”

(She hands me the money and leaves, telling her son she’s heading to the car.)

Customer #2: “I’m so sorry about that!” *pays very quickly and leaves*

(It ended up taking ten minutes for her to pay. Her son paid in about twenty seconds!)