Captain Bluff-beard

(My boyfriend is trying to seduce me while I’m trying to sleep.)

Me: “I have my period.”

Boyfriend: “A TRUE pirate isn’t afraid to sail the red seas.”

(I grimace, but call his bluff.)

Me: “Go for it then.”

(He pauses, then sighs in dismay.)

Boyfriend: “…fine, I’m not a true pirate.”