Can’t Keep Account Of All The Wives

I work for a bank in their call centre, handling general telephone banking queries and transactions. I am on a call with a gentleman in his fifties.

Caller: “My fiancée and I have been going through my banking over the years, and I’m sure I had accounts with you. I want to close them as I don’t use them.”

We manage to complete security:

Me: “I can see here that we have two accounts, one individual and another in joint names.”

Caller: “Close them both and send me the cheques.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the joint account requires two signatures to complete any transaction at all; you would have to contact the other account holder, and both go to the branch either separately or together to request the closure.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! This is my money; I want it now!”

Why people think that this will make us change our minds and break the rules is beyond me

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, this is the only way. Are you still in contact with this account holder?”

Caller: “Of course not! That was another wife and another life!”

Yes, they really were his exact words!

Me: “Would you be able to contact them?”

Caller: “I don’t even know who it is!”

He then proceeded to reel off the names of five different women that he’d been married to. When I confirmed he’d finally gotten the correct name:

Caller: “Oh, forget it, no amount of money is worth talking to that b*** again after what I did  to her!” *Click.*

Top tip, if you’re going to get divorced, please sort out your joint accounts whilst still speaking!