Can’t Explain It For Love Nor Money

Customer: “I wanted my change in a fifty!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I only have twenties and tens.”

Customer: “Well, go print out a new one at the back.”

Me: “Print out… a what?”

Customer: “A fifty!”

Me: “We don’t have any fifties in the back.” 

Customer: “I know! You just said that! So, print me a new one!”

Me: “You mean print money?” 

Customer: “Duh!”

Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am. Only the U.S. Mint can print money.”

Customer: “Bulls***! How else do the stores have money to give out change?”

Me: “We order bills from corporate, who I assume gets them from the Mint.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you! You’re just being lazy! You expect me to believe that the money comes from outside and you just bring it in every day?”

Me: “That’s how most stores work, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about the ATMs?! They print money!”

Me: “Same thing, ma’am. Money is placed inside them using special money boxes.”

Customer: “I’m gonna go home and Google this but if you’re lying, I am coming back here to get me my fifty!”

Me: “Good luck, ma’am!”