Can’t Divorce Themselves From The Fees

, , , | Legal | October 6, 2018

Me: *answering phone* “[Law Firm].”

Woman: “I need a divorce attorney. Probably. Maybe.”

Me: “Our firm does do divorces—”

Woman: “But I don’t want the divorce!” *bursts into tears* “HE does! He moved cross-country for work and I was starting to pack our stuff, and then he called and said he wanted a divorce…” *sobs*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment with an attorney so you can know your rights and what to expect.”

Woman: “I just have one question first…” *asks a question about separation rights that would require a lawyer to answer*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t answer that for you; that’s something you need to discuss with an attorney.”

Woman: “How much would that cost?”

Me: “An initial consult is a one-hour meeting for a fee of [total].”

Woman: *suddenly no longer crying* “Well, what if I don’t have that kind of money? My god, my husband’s abandoned me and I need help, and you’re going on about money! I’m not going to pay for an hour-long meeting when all I really need answered is one question!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I am not an attorney, I literally cannot answer that question. I do not have the knowledge. You would need to schedule an initial consult at the stated rate.”

Woman: “Well… well… Maybe I’ll go find a free attorney!”

Me: “You are welcome to do so, ma’am. We want you to be pleased with your legal representation.”

Woman: “You know, I was ready to schedule a meeting with one of your attorneys! Completely ready! All I needed was my one question answered first!”

Me: “Ma’am, one of the paradoxes of needing a lawyer is that you often need to meet with one to know for sure whether you need one.”

Woman: “I am going to find a free attorney who will answer all my questions immediately!*hangs up*

Me: “Good luck with that.”

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