You Can’t Beat Traditional Parenting  

, , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(The phone rings at the front desk, but when I answer it I just hear it hanging up, so I call back to make sure everything is okay.)

Me: “This is [My Name] at the front desk; did you just try to call?”

Guest: “It must have been one of my kids. I’ll go beat them now.”

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VOTES
  • Cathrope

    *sends up a whiffle ball bat*

    • Deadpool

      Whereas at the Deadpool hotel, every room comes equipped with whips and chains.

      • Cathrope

        Some parents are too weak to weild a proper steel bat.

        • Deadpool

          You shouldn’t use full-sized steel bats on children. What are you thinking? That could kill them, and then they’d never learn. Pain is a much better teacher. For that, we have those small ASP batons or those little mini-bats you get sometimes at baseball games.

          • Cathrope

            Steel bats are actually made from Aluminium.

          • Deadpool

            Oh, well that’s okay then. Out of curiosity, what are aluminum bats made out of then?

          • Chris Hubbard

            Cork, oddly enough

          • Cathrope

            The tears of the people I smack with the bat.

      • Cathrope

        Isn’t that a Green Day song? Love slave or something.

      • Cathrope

        No shock collars for the bad parents?

        • Deadpool

          Now there’s a good idea.

  • Rob Tonka

    Not seeing a problem here.

  • BR

    I hope they’re talking about playing a card game…

    • I Troll Libtards

      Let me guess, hippy liberal who opposes disciplining kids and then wonders why they’re so rotten.

      • Jenni Sowvlen

        Or parent who constantly threatens to “beat” their kids without actually following through or setting clear limits or standards for their kids to follow.

        • BR

          I am sad that no one got the Yu-gi-oh! reference. XD
          But lemme tell ya. I got beat and it just made me laugh at her. She had no real power, so she tried to intimidate me through pain. It didn’t work. She stopped by the time I was 10.

        • Cally

          I frequently threatened to beat my kids, they weren’t of course but they did know when to stop and/or not get caught.

          • Kalu-chan

            My mom once threatened she’d throw the TV out of the window if my brother and I didn’t stop fighting. She regretted it immediately because she *always* followed through with her threats (I don’t even remember it, but it was probably stuff like taking away toys etc), and the TV was new. Luckily, my brother and I decided the TV was more important than our fight xD

  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    I recommend a leather belt. It makes a nice cracking sound that really gets the point across.

    • Flami

      I recommend the non-fluffy end of a feather duster, or a wooden mixing spoon.

      • datawog

        Wooden mixing spoons are very effective. My mom broke one on my ass once. We still used it for years afterwards.

        • Flami

          While my mom didn’t break a wooden spoon on my ass and other areas, she probably broke feather dusters that way.

        • Dsru Bin

          Did you continue to use it for spanking or for mixing?

  • Jackie Fauxe

    It’s easy to forget how important tone is until you read a story like this one.

  • error404

    Idaho? My family never stayed at a hotel in Idaho but that sure sounds like my mom 🙂

  • Michael Bugg

    Meh, I joke about beating my kids all the time. Most parents (or at least most fathers) do.

    • Cynthia Dalrymple

      I do too

  • Samuel

    And then you called CPS, right?

  • Brad Ryder

    I used to tell my kids to “come here so I can smack you” … but they knew all they were getting was a kiss.

  • Ophelia

    “…in Smash Bros.!”