Because Cancer Totally Beats Being Yourself

, , , , , | Related | September 11, 2017

(I’m a trans woman in my mid-twenties. I’ve been out to my parents for about six years at this point, but haven’t been able to start transitioning. A few days before this, I finally figured out how I can start transition and have talked to my mother to let her know where I’m at with everything. It’s Dad’s turn now, so I start telling him that I’m planning on transitioning and we have a long chat about it. When the chat’s basically over, I go to get a cigarette. My dad’s never really liked the fact that I smoke, so I turn back as an afterthought.)

Me: “For what it’s worth, at least I’ll have to quit smoking.”

Dad: “For what it’s worth, I think I’d rather you smoked.”

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  • Souless night

    Well that’s really ‘sweet’ of him…

  • Kimberlee

    That’s a really awful response on his part. “I’d rather you smoke than be true to yourself.”

  • cylon_toast

    Well, that’s an as$holish thing to say.

  • Dawn Foster

    I have to assume it is a case of “I’d rather not have to face what is going on” rather than any true negative reasoning. Not having any other information than this story, we will likely never know. But for some time now smoking has been going on and negatives have not been seen, while transitioning will happen almost immediately with visible changes. Let me just say that this idea is my hope for OP, rather than the assumed-by-context outcome.

    • Phil Peligroso

      I agree, I think people are quick to condemn the dad. It’s probably tough to see that your child was not well in their skin, that their s3x didn’t match their gender. But most of all, when you have loved a person as a boy all your life, it might be difficult to picture them as a girl. It doesn’t compare to the struggle OP is facing, but for some, it might still be a struggle nonetheless.

      The father already knew OP was a woman, but that my guess is he partly ignored that fact because it was mostly devoid of consequences to him. Now he has to face the fact and he finds it tough. Given that he had a long conversation about it with OP, and nothing suggests it went badly, I really think (and hope) he meant that he wished they didn’t have to face this, not that OP shouldn’t transition.

  • PimpKat

    If he’s anything like my dad he might have the diplomatic abilities of a dead clam.

    Might not have meant it quite that bad and more in the sense of he wished it wasn’t necessary for her to transition as in she’d been born that way she’d wanted to be.
    After all hormones aren’t fun to take…

  • Isa Frostborn

    What an ugly thing to say.

  • Werewolfling

    Sometimes, it’s the littlest comments that hurt the most. When I first started figuring out my sexuality, I started dropping hints at my mom. Even without fully coming out, she said to me, “I do not mind that some people are lesbians, but I cannot handle my own daughter being one.”

    After that, I clammed up and shut myself in the closet for years.

    • Nightshade1972


  • tater thots

    of course, lung cancer is wayyyy better than being comfortable in your identity. no OP, youre much better off being depressed and isolated instead ofhealthy and happy