Can We At Least Agree That Herbs Are Good?

, , , | Right | December 2, 2020

I’m a cashier at a garden center. I also happen to practice witchcraft. A middle-aged woman comes up to my register with a bunch of plants to purchase. Everything is going fine and I’m checking her out as normal.

Me: “Oh, cool, herbs! I grow herbs, too!”

Customer: “What do you use them for?”

I’m a pretty open guy, and she asked, so I tell her.

Me: “Witchcraft and cooking!”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

There is silence between us.

Customer: “How does that work?”

At this point, I’m really excited that someone is open to learning about my “taboo” beliefs.

Me: “Oh, well, I’ll use them to make incense, or I’ll make an oil with them to rub on candles and other things!”

The customer nods attentively. Then, with wide eyes and the most serious, expressive, shocked voice I’ve heard in retail, says:

Customer: “Have you heard of Jesus Christ?

I’m shocked but maintain composure.

Me: “Yes, I have. In fact, I was raised Lutheran.”

Customer: *Absolutely stunned* “WHAT HAPPENED?”

I’m doing my best not to offend her. She’s my customer, after all.

Me: “Uh, I just… examined my beliefs… and found them… to not fit how I see the world.”

Customer: “Then where do you go when you die?”

Me: *Pause* “Nowhere?”

The customer gave me a horrified look and began spouting on about my “satanic” practices. I twisted my upper body in a full 180 degrees, made eye contact with my manager, and mouthed, “HELP.” She promptly came over to help. Suddenly, the conversation dissipated into silence and everything went back to how it had been, if slightly more tense. I finished checking the lady out and she left.

If I’ve seen her again, I haven’t known it. Never did I think I’d be asked in America if I know who Jesus Christ is!

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