Came Back Out Of The Blue
A customer I can only describe as shady entered our liquor store and spent ten minutes browsing. I stayed at the checkout and watched him on the CCTV.
He ended up shoving two bottles of Johnnie Walker Blue down his pants and walked out. I called the police and told them what happened.
Police: “Did you confront him?”
Me: “Store policy is not to confront shoplifters; that’s what insurance is for.”
Police: “Perfect answer. Do you have footage of him?”
Me: “I’m burning the footage onto a DVD for you guys to collect as we speak.”
Police: “Good, good. We’ll be by later to pick it up. In the meantime, you might wanna think about putting the good and expensive stuff behind locked glass cabinets.”
Me: “Normally, we do. The Johnnie Walker Blue must have been overlooked, but it’s behind a locked door now.”
We wrap up the call, and I put the DVD aside for them.
About an hour later, the same guy returns with the actual f****** bottles!
Shoplifter: “I want a refund on these.”
I admit I take a moment to compose myself due to the sheer audacity of the guy. You already got two free bottles of high-end liquor, my dude. Why be greedy?
Me: “Uh, why are you asking for a refund?”
Shoplifter: “I got the wrong type.”
Just as I was telling him I can’t do a refund without a receipt, the police walked in.
Officer: “We’re here to collect a DVD that’s got footage of a shoplifter?”
I use both hands to point at both things at the same time.
Me: “That’s the DVD, and that’s the shoplifter.”
He left with them in handcuffs.
