Calls Of This Nature Are Up To Nature

(I’m an animal control officer and I get a call.)

Man: “There are squirrels in my neighbor’s tree.”

Me: “They tend to like trees.”

Man: “I need them removed.”

Me: “Umm…”

Man: “They drop nuts in my yard.”

Me: “We don’t do wildlife calls.”

Man: “I need you to remove them from the neighbor’s tree and do your d*** job!”

Me: “That would be trespassing, and we don’t do calls of this nature. I’m not sure anyone does.”

Man: *hangs up*

(Somewhere in my city right now is a man festering with hatred and anger because there are squirrels in someone else’s yard. He’s probably shaking his fist at a tree right now.)

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