Calling The Manager (Southern) Bell, Part 3
Reading these stories reminded me of my own manager from way back in my retail days, a transplant from the South to our frigid northern state.
A customer has come in with a fancy suit, likely worn over the weekend to a wedding of some kind. It’s been sweated in, spilled on, and generally looks terrible.
Customer: “I want a refund on this.”
Me: “What’s the fault with this item?”
Customer: “Why does there have to be a fault? I just don’t like it, and I only bought it on Friday, so do my refund.”
Me: “It’s just that this suit is not in a resaleable condition, which is one of our requirements unless there is a fault.”
Customer: “Looks like you’re going to be no help, so let’s just skip this useless phase and go straight to the manager, shall we?”
Fine by me! I call over one of the managers, and am delighted to see it’s Ms. Southern Belle herself is storming across the sales floor.
Manager: *After hearing his refund request.* “So you wore this suit at the weekend, and by the looks of things, had a grand ol’ time with it, and now you want to return it instead of paying for dry cleaning?”
Customer: “What happened over the weekend is none of your business. Accepting a return within the return window, is.”
Manager: “As my associate here clearly explained, that is only if it’s in a resalable condition. This suit looks like it’s been baptised in bourbon, dragged behind a bass boat, and slow danced through a plate of ribs.”
Customer: “Are you… like… a real person? Is this country hick thing an act to try to disarm me? It’s not going to work. I know my rights.”
Manager: “Hun, your train of thought just keeps missin’ the station, don’t it? This refund ain’t happening. Now your best bet is to take this to a dry cleaners and hope they accept clothing that looks like it’s been dragged behind a shrimp boat from Biloxi to Baton Rouge.”
Customer: “I’m going to be writing a nice and long letter to your corporate office to tell them alllll about you.”
Manager: “Listen, Sunshine. Corporate paid to move me from New Orleans all the way up here to manage this entire department store to turn it around, which I’ve done by not bending over a**ways to customers like you who think they can just rent our s*** and abuse our return policy, so don’t expect to get far with your fancy little letter. Now carry yourself outta this store with whatever shred of majesty you got left rattlin’ around in there, okay Pumpkin?”
She’s like this ALL THE TIME. I could listen to her all day.
P.S. Her being sent to our store to “turn it around” was all true. The previous store manager was all words and ambition, but no action. When she arrived and saw some of the crazier policies he’d put into place, she said of him: “His map’s all legend and no territory.”
Related:
Calling The Manager (Southern) Bell, Part 2
Calling The Manager (Southern) Bell
