Call Of Duty: Black Friday
It’s 4 AM on the morning of Black Friday. My friend has somehow managed to convince me to stand in line with him, freezing, outside a big-box electronics store.
Me: “What’s that piece of paper you keep looking at?”
Friend: “It’s a map of the store. I came here last week to draw it out.”
Me: “That looks printed.”
Friend: “I redrew it at home on the computer.”
A stranger, some guy one ahead of us in the line, turns around and shows my friend that he’s drawn up something similar!
Stranger: “Mine is color-coded for the priority zones and order of attack.”
Friend: “Okay, TVs are here, gaming consoles here, checkout bottleneck here. Smaller doorbusters are here, which attract a lot of slow browsing traffic, so we flank left to avoid it.”
Me: “Flank left? Are you listening to yourse—”
Stranger: “Smart. I don’t need the TV, so I’m hitting up appliances first, and then I’m gonna rendezvous with the wife at Home Audio.”
They bump fists like soldiers in a war movie.
Me: “You two realize you’ve known each other for eight minutes, right?”
The doors eventually open, and the crowd surges forward. My friend sprints inside, map in hand, shouting over his shoulder:
Friend: “Remember, TVs first!”
Later, after the initial bloodbath, we’re pushing a large cart to the checkout area with my friend’s spoils of war. He’s looking around.
Me: “Looking for your new friend?”
Friend: “I… I don’t think he made it.”
Me: “Need a moment, buddy?”
Friend: “Nah, f*** that. Today is not for the weak. Press forward! They might still have the half-price waffle makers at the checkouts!”
Me: “You don’t even like waffles.”
Friend: “Seriously, [My Name], you don’t get what today is about at all, do you?”
