Calamity Jane

(Most of my job is answering and directing calls to two different sides of an office. Anytime I get a call, I have to put the current person on hold to take the other line. We have one person who calls repeatedly for a secretary — whom I’ll call Jane — and won’t take no for an answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?

Caller: “I need to speak with Jane.”

Me: “Jane isn’t in today; may I take a message for her?”

Caller: *click*

(Three minutes later, I get a call from a client that requires a much longer call, but I am forced to interrupt them to answer the other line.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I need Jane.”

Me: “Jane isn’t in today. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “No. I just need to talk to Jane.”

Me: “Jane won’t be in for the rest of the week. I can give her a message and inform her you called when she’s in on Monday.”

Caller: “No.” *click*

Me: *going back to first line* “I apologize, Mr. [Caller #2]. You were telling me— Hold, please.” *going back to the second line* “Good afternoon—”

Caller: “Is Jane in?”

Me: “No, she won’t be in until Monday. If you gave me a name, I could tell her to call you instead of you needing to call up here.”

Caller: “No.” *click*

(Five minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I need Jane.”

Me: “Did you call a few minutes ago?”

Caller: “Yes. I need Jane. Is Jane in?”

Me: “And you called a few minutes before that?”

Caller: “Yes. I need to talk to Jane! Now!”

Me: “Jane isn’t in until Monday.”

Caller: *click*

(Ten minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for—”

Caller: “Is Jane in?”

Me: *recognizing the voice* “Oh… You want Jane? One moment.”

(I put him on hold and go back to the call I was in before. The person holds for maybe five minutes before calling again.)

Me: “Thank you for—”

Caller: “Yeah, I called for Jane, and you put me on hold for her. Did you hang up on me? I didn’t get through to her.”

Me: “That’s because Jane won’t be here until Monday. Call as many times as you like, but all you do is annoy me. She’s not here. She won’t magically appear. She will not be here until Monday. Please do not call again!”

Caller: “You’re so rude. All you had to say was she wasn’t there.”