Cabin Pressure Dropping, Blood Pressure Rising

At the start of a very long flight, a family with two little boys files into the row across from my husband and me. The kids are constantly fighting and screaming at each other.

My husband leans over to the dad and says:

Husband: “Can you please split them up? This is really unpleasant.”

Dad: “No! I am going to let my kids be kids.”

Husband: “Okay then…” *My husband then turns to me and says in a loud voice.* “So, whattup, monkey butt?”

I glared at him, trying to stop his flow before it started.

Husband: “I said whattup, monkey butt? You’ve got to reply, not much, butt munch!”

The kids start to giggle. The dad leans over.

Dad: “Don’t swear in front of my kids.”

Husband: “A**hole, we’ve got a fourteen-hour flight, so you can either parent your children and shut them up or I will teach them a million sing-song repetitive phrases you don’t want them chanting around your parents and in-laws.”

The dad glared at us, then moved one of his children to the other side of the row and set them up to watch cartoons.

Dad: *To my husband.* “You’re a f****** a**hole.”

Husband: “Yeah, but I’m an a**hole who doesn’t have to listen to your dumb-f*** kids screeching like banshees because their dad’s too much of a soft-c*ck to give them a little guidance and teach them how to live in society.”

My husband’s a monster, but I love him because I get to sleep safely, soundly, and peacefully when he’s around.

CORRECTION: An uncensored swear word has been censored.