He Better Not Get An iPhone

(My fiancé and I are currently in a long-distance relationship while I finish my last year of undergrad. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I won’t see him this year on it, because he is coming down the next month to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I check my phone and see that I’ve received a text from my fiancé.)

Fiancé: “So, I hope you know I will never forget. But even so, I added a reminder to my Google account saying ‘Don’t you dare forget about your wife’s birthday you piece of S***!’. It’s set to go off for the next 50 years. So, it will start an alarm on your birthday on every Google phone I have until you turn 71.”