The Purr-fect Diet

Cashier: *rings me through* “We’re actually having a giveaway today on a new human-grade cat food!” *turns around to load me up with some cans*

Me: “Are those paté?”

Cashier: *turns around with a can in her hand* “No.”

Me: “Then I can’t take them.”

Cashier: *visibly upset for no reason* “What?! Why?!”

Me: “None of my cats would eat it.”

Cashier: “What are you talking about?” *goes into sales pitch about how it uses ingredients so even humans can eat it*

Me: “I still can’t take it.”

Cashier: “Well why not!”

Me: “Because I have one cat that’s on a strict hypoallergenic diet, one cat that just licks all the liquid from the wet food and leaves the rest, one cat that refuses to eat anything that isn’t duck flavored, and one cat that had to have her teeth removed so she can only have paté cat food.”

Cashier: *stares and blinks a little bit* “Oh. Well, this cat food uses ingredients that humans can eat. If we opened up this can we could both eat it.”

Me: *very uninterested* “Cool…”

Cashier: *triumphantly* “Well, your cats don’t know what they’re missing!”