But Captain America Has Knocked Out Adolf Hitler Over 200 Times!

, , , , , , | Related | July 28, 2020

My dad is a single father. He’s great and all, but he had absolutely no idea how to raise a daughter by himself. He didn’t understand anything normal girls liked, so he went with what he understood. As such, I was raised on a diet of martial arts, outdoor survival, and marksmanship — basically anything he remembered from his time in the army.

As such, I’ve dealt with plenty of side effects of my lifestyle, like boys running away from me because I was better at fighting than they were and girls refusing to socialize with me as they perceived me as a violent brute. Once, we even had child services called on my dad when I went to school with a black eye.

But the single worst aspect I’ve had to deal with is this.

Me: “Dad. I hate you. Why did you have to teach me military tactics? You ruined Infinity War for me! I couldn’t enjoy the final battle as, when I saw it, all I saw was every stupid tactical mistake everyone made! No flanking, no use of cover, air support flying too low, no artillery…”

Dad: “Uh, oops?”

My glare intensifies.

Me: “Well, on the bright side, at least you know why they lost to Thanos.”

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