Brought A Knife To A… You Get It

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work security at a popular football stadium. My job is to check bags and make sure people don’t try to smuggle any weapons into the stadium. A fan is entering through my gate and I see a rather large pocket-knife clipped to his back pocket.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but you can’t bring that knife into the stadium.”

Fan: “Why not? I brought it in last weekend and no one seemed to care.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to let you into the stadium if you have a weapon with you. You can either give it to me and you will not get it back, or you can take it back to your car and keep it, but I cannot let you in. If you decide to walk into the stadium, I will have those nice state troopers behind me escort you out, but you cannot bring that in.”

Fan: “Why can’t I bring in a pocket knife?”

Me: “Well, sir, for two reasons. One: it’s for your safety and everyone else’s safety. Two: we have fifty highly-trained state troopers with high-caliber pistols that could potentially blow a hole clear through your chest. So, my question to you is, why do you need a pocket knife?”

Fan: *looking shocked about what I have just told him, he turns around* “I think I’ll just take it to my truck.”

Me: “Thank you for your cooperation, sir.”

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