Brother Bother

(I’ve been friends with my now-boyfriend for over ten years but we’ve only been together as partners for about two months. I’ve stayed at his house and met his housemate and am meeting his parents, two brothers, and everyone else in the tiny village he lives in at his local pub. His brothers are grilling me about my life.)

Brother #1: “So, how long have you two been together?”

Me: “About two months, but we’ve known each other for a little over ten years.”

Brother#2: “Why the change? What happened?”

Me: “Oh, I had a crappy day at work and needed a drink and to vent a bit. I sent a group text to our friends and [Boyfriend] was out with some work people and said I could join them.”

Brother #1: “Wow! That must’ve been one really s***** day to find solace in his arms. What do you do for a living?”

(I don’t usually tell people what I do as I’m a child psychologist and can’t really talk about my work.)

Me: “I work with kids.”

(My boyfriend looked at me a bit funny.)

Boyfriend: “You don’t just ‘work with kids.’”

Brother #2: “What’s that mean? What do you do then?”

Me: “I’m a child psychologist. I mainly work with children aged 3 – 12 who are going through traumatic bereavement. I’m freelance, but work with [County] police and hospitals.”

Brother #1: “Bloody h***! That’s some job. Is that why you say you ‘work with kids’?”

Me: “Yes. Would you like your doctor talking about you in a pub?”

Brother #2: “You’re a doctor? A real, proper, doctor?”

Boyfriend: “Told you she was smart!”

Brother #1: “Hang on! So you’re really clever, funny, hot, a caring person, and you clearly have humility? Why are you with him!?” *gestures to boyfriend* “Oh, God! You two are like those couples in sitcoms. She’s all smart and funny and stunning and he’s a useless, lazy, ugly fool, and no-one knows how the h*** he got a woman like that. It’s not even like he’s rich!”

(It’s obvious that he’s just teasing and I wait until everyone’s stopped laughing.)

Me: “Do you know the worst part of my job?”

Both Brothers: “What?”

Me: “Brothers. No matter how bad their lives are, how horrendously painful their experiences have been, they always, always, annoy each other.”

(We’ve been together for nearly a year now and no matter how bad their day’s been they still talk to each other like that. They all in their 30s!)