Breathing New Life Into The War Against Telemarketers

(I am home sick from work, watching a movie, when the phone rings. The caller ID shows it to be a number that has been calling three or four times daily, for the last few months. Usually we just ignore the number, but this time, I decide to play a trick. I click the ‘Talk’ button to answer the call, then set the phone down on the table by the couch. It is about three feet away from me, and I can hear the caller speaking, but still watch my movie.)

Caller: “Hello, may I speak with [Husband], please?”

(I don’t answer, and keep watching the movie. She pauses, then tries again.)

Caller: “Hello, [Husband]? Are you there?”

(She then starts ranting.)

Caller: “I can hear you, ya know… I can hear you breathing.”

(I don’t answer, and keep watching the movie. There’s no way she could have heard me from three feet away.)

Caller: *raising her voice* “I can hear you on the phone, so it’s no use trying to pretend you’re not there. [HUSBAND], YOU’RE NOT A VERY QUIET BREATHER!” *click*