Breaking The Bathroom Breaking

(I am taking a four-plus hour flight. It’s a full flight, so our row is full. I’m in the middle seat. The passenger in the window seat is ordering carbonated water and alcohol every time the flight attendant comes by. She has been doing this for hours and is getting up to pee every few minutes; aggravating the rest of us.)

Window Passenger: *to the aisle passenger in the seat next to her* “Can you move? I need to use the bathroom.”

Aisle Passenger: *in aisle seat* “You’ve been doing this every few minutes! Could we switch seats? It’ll be easier if you have the aisle seat.”

Window Passenger: “No! I want this window seat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

(She goes, comes back, sits down, and orders another water, which she gulps down. Eight minutes pass.)

Window Passenger: “Excuse me, move! I need to get to the bathroom!”

(She goes. The aisle passenger and I are both tired, because we’re trying to sleep and she keeps waking us, and we’re angry because her shoes are getting dirt on us.)

Me: “Look, man, move into the window seat. I’ll deal with her.”

(He moves into the window seat just as she comes back. The window passenger instantly yells at him.)

Window Passenger: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SEAT?!”

Me: “I told him to move there.”

Window Passenger: “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!”

Me: “YOU have no right! You’ve made 24 bathroom trips in three hours. We’re trying to sleep, and you’re climbing over us every few minutes and getting dirt from your shoes on our clothes! You left bruises on my leg where you climbed on it! This guy offered to let you sit in the aisle seat, and you said no!”

Window Passenger: “B****! I’LL TELL THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT!”

(The flight attendant is called, and I tell him the story.)

Flight Attendant: *to the window passenger* “Normally, ma’am, I’d side with you, but in this case, I think the young lady is right. It’s very disruptive to our other passengers for you to be climbing over them every few minutes. The gentleman vacated a perfectly good aisle seat, which you will have to use as the flight is full.”

Window Passenger: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME!”

(She does, however, sit down and stop ordering drinks. She sulks for the rest of the flight, and upon landing, rushes off the plane as fast as she can.)

This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

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