Breaking From The Proposal Script

(I have been thinking of proposing to my girlfriend for quite some time, but not nearly as long as she has been ready and waiting for said proposal. I finally arrive at the perfect way to propose. I take her to a romantic comedy that involves a very romantic marriage proposal. I know it will almost certainly get her started on the subject of marriage. After the film, we are walking out to the car in the parking lot.)

Me: “So, did you enjoy the film?”

Girlfriend: “Yes and no.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Girlfriend: “Well, it was a fun film. But it reminds me of how a proposal like that will never happen for me. I swear I’ll go to the grave without ever seeing you down on one knee and holding out a ring to me.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Well, what if I were to reach into my pocket and pull out a ring-box right now?”

Girlfriend: *scoffs* “Yeah right! Like that would happen!”

(I drop to one knee and pull a ring-box from my pocket.)

Me: “Well? Will you?”

(She shrieks in near-hysteria, which causes several other film-goers to stop and stare. She all but rips the ring-box from my hand. She opens it and finds it empty.)

Me: *smirking at her horrified expression* “What? I said ring-box! I never said anything about an actual ring!”

(She snaps the box shut, and shouts a number of obscenities. I reach up with my other hand to stop her; showing that the exact ring she had been ogling and drooling over.)

Me: “Honey, please! I surrender! I’m sorry! Seriously, will you? Please?”

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God! You are such an a**hole! But yes! Yes, you a**hole! Yes!”

(I get up from kneeling and reach out to embrace her in front of the now cheering crowd.)

Me: “I guess that makes you Mrs. A**hole!”

(Twelve years and three kids later, they still refer to each other as Mr. & Mrs. A**hole.)