Breakfast Time Is Hammer Time

I work at the office of a small company that produces handmade muesli. They are baked and make a popular breakfast food in a bowl with milk or, since the clusters are a little bigger than average, are commonly snacked on during the day. Those bigger clusters are really popular; people love them and compliment us on them.

I’m typing in orders when I stumble upon one with a customer note. Nothing unusual. It says, “Please include a hammer for the crunchies.” Obviously, someone with good humour, I think. I even show the note to my boss and we have a good laugh. We send the order on its way — minus the hammer, of course.

A few days later, the phone rings.

Me: “Hello, [Company], this is [My Name].”

Customer: “This is [Customer]. I have a complaint.”

I’m panicking inside because he sounds grumpy and irritated, and I’m bracing myself for a good shouting over a damaged package or something. 

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you tell me what happened?”

Customer: “I have placed an order and wrote specifically that I want a hammer.”

I’m relieved because, clearly, this is that customer with the good humor.

Me: “Oh, yes. We saw it. I even showed it to our boss. Thank you for brightening up our day.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Sir? Are you still there?”

Customer: *Suddenly explodes* “If I request a hammer, I expect a hammer! You always make those darn clusters so big! How am I expected to eat that stuff? If you sell crap like this, the least you could do is send me a f****** tool to make them smaller! What kind of f****** customer service is this? F*** you!”

He hung up on me. 

I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that he expected us — a company that sells breakfast muesli — to send him an actual hammer so he could break the five-centimetre clusters that fall apart in milk into smaller pieces?